Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision


Post a message
  • Sulaymon Tadese Faozahny (8/27/2013 3:03:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Almighty


    How cans a man
    Love me,
    Unconditionally?

    How cans a man
    Love me,
    When I don’t love him?

    How cans a man
    Love me,
    Without limit?

    How cans a man
    Be faithful
    While me unfaithfulness?

    How cans a man
    Tell me, he love me
    In my unfaithfulness?

    What a manner of man
    Will run after me
    Even as I go astray?

    What a manner of man
    Will call at me
    Even when am so far away?

    What a manner of man
    Will stretch out his hand
    To rescue me?

    What a manner of man
    Will forgive me no matter
    How many times I wrong him?

    Why wills a man
    Want me despite
    My filthy attire?

    Why wills a man
    Of high class come down
    To my level just to be with me?

    Why wills a man
    Sacrifice all he has
    Just for my happiness?

    Why wills a man
    Give up all he has
    For my freedom?

    Why wills a man
    Take my place for my comfort
    After what I have done?

    Why wills a man
    Pay a debt
    He never owed?

    God
    So love the universe
    His passion, deeper than oceans

    Higher than the heavens,
    Reaches than the stars
    In the sky

    His amity has no bound,
    No limit, no expiring date,
    His love never grows sour

    His affection is merciful
    Full of compassion,
    Grace just name it

    So unfaithful
    As I am,
    He still is faithful

    So ungrateful
    Yet
    He’s still providing

    Going my own way
    Yet he call out to me
    My love takes my hand.

    Your
    Tenderness
    Is so great.

    Your embrace
    Is so warm
    And comforting.

    Your voice
    Is so sweet
    And soothing.

    You are the almighty,
    All wise, the kingdom
    Of the heavens and the earth

    You are the one
    Who gives life, causes death
    And He is able to do all things

    Then
    Which of blessings
    Of your God will you both deny?

  • Chloe Coleman (8/26/2013 12:36:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    " Pickle"

    Clang of metal on glass,
    a tiny trident pierces the green skin.
    fat drops run down the weapon,
    and splash onto the table,
    green on silver.
    red lips press
    against the green flesh,
    possessive and passionate.
    A flash of ivory
    and all is but sweet memory.

  • Sulaymon Tadese Faozahny (8/23/2013 8:26:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    The Woman


    A strong being
    An epitome of beauty
    The glory of a man
    The best of all creation

    A mother, a wife
    A companion,
    A friend,
    The pillar of the home

    A teacher, a student,
    A helper, a caretaker
    A man,
    A repairer, a destroyer

    Treat her like an egg
    Because she’s fragile
    Hold her tenderly and
    Carefully lest she breaks

    Treat her well
    As you do yourself
    Love her as much as you
    Do love yourself

    Correct her with words
    Scold her, punish her
    But never beat her
    Lay a finger on her

    Mind the kind of words
    You say to her
    Her emotion are triggered
    To you have said.

    Tolerate her
    Be patient with her
    Get the best from her
    Show her love

    Shower her with gift
    Protect her
    Honours her
    Because she’s a part of you

    Give her attention
    Get what you deserve from her
    Make her happy
    You’re stolen her heart.


    Treat her like the queen
    Treat her as the mother
    Treat her like the wife
    Treat her like companion.

    She’s not a baby-making machine
    She’s not pleasure machine
    She’s not punching bag
    She’s not all of the above

    The woman
    Is an unique creature
    Incomparable features
    Endowed with beauty

    Don’t treats her like trash
    Treat her like an egg
    The woman knows
    More than man knows.

    Replies for this message:
  • Theresa Walker (8/22/2013 9:38:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    The Evolution of My Freedom

    Come go take a journey back and
    witness the birth of my spirit.
    I claim greatness to he who resides in me and
    who gave me a sense of dignity.
    As trauma and pain and living against the grain
    take a tole on my little girl soul
    I look into eyes like mine and and
    give her permission to cry
    Cry for those that tried to steal our soul
    cry for those that were taken home
    Existing in the essence of those that came before me
    and were reassured that one day their prayers would set us free
    The testimony that we have endured submerged us in the
    best of the test
    as we take steps into the light
    we continue to push through and fight
    Come here lil one and hug my heart with your sweet embrace
    I see the promise of hope on your face
    I spread my arms to merge our strength and love and
    just as I thought we fight like a glove
    My spirit hears the sweetest sound
    she whispers that she is glad that she was found
    She goes on to tell me that she was sad and lonely for oh so long
    and glad that I looked back and took the time to settle down
    She holds my hand and we begin to walk our journey together
    allowing our hearts soar like a feather
    hop, skip, sing and play we dance and laugh our day away
    long into the evening our heartbeats a symphonic rhythm
    and our cheeks blush a shade of crimson
    we walk and talk and reminisce and discuss the moments that we missed
    we nestle next to the rolling stream and
    each let out an exhale of scream
    we laugh out loud and giggle together
    and realizing we have always been here forever
    her with I and I with her
    Knowing from this day forward we would always be heard
    the universe will hear us as one

    Theresa Walker

    Replies for this message:
  • Robert Hamilton (8/20/2013 8:09:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Near a Wall


    eyes open
    near a wall
    stale air
    daylight near
    bird chirps
    car passes
    chilly

    stand up
    near a wall
    collect thoughts
    forgot them all
    fear struck
    two bucks
    in pocket
    what luck

    walking
    near a wall
    almost six
    feeling sick

    waiting
    near a wall
    car pulls up
    door opens
    fix in sight
    bottle of white
    bills spent
    down white went

    standing
    near a wall
    forgot it all
    again!
    Author Notes

    2009
    © Robert Hamilton. All rights reserved

  • Survi Sharma (8/19/2013 12:12:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    why dont poemhunter rewards ranks to their poet members
    there should be a ranking system starting from down to highest level, it will encourage the poets as well
    the increment in rank would be based on no. Of poems and no.of comments done and received.
    i may say you understand my request
    thanx

  • Lewy Lewis (8/18/2013 10:36:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    What Do I Remember About You

    I Remember You Beautiful Bird From Many Years Ago When We Were Young The Beauty I Seen In You. You Were One Beauty To Me One Beauty More Beautiful Than Any Other In That Time Of My Life.

    And My Heart Never Forgot The Memory Of You The Beauty I Seen And Felt And I Felt It Always Till Now When We Have Met Again From So Long Ago I Remember Your Beauty And Your Caring Beauty And All The Sweetest Things You Were To Me In My Days Back In The Late 70s And How In The Early 80s I Was So Happy To Know You Were Close By And The 90s One Time At The Hawkesbury Show.

    Our Paths Never Crossed After That But My Mind Never Forgot You Deeply Etched In To My Mind You Have Always Been... I Knew That Love With You Was A Reality And Real To All Of Me And Now We Are Together How I Feel So At Peace Even With All That Drama Around Us How My Heart Is Still Fond Of All Your Beauty, Beautiful Bird I Always Knew It Was You And I Remember Your Friends Pounding Me To Ask You Out When I Was So Young And So Shy For You And For You I Always Loved You... All Of My Love...

    All Of My Love Is For You Beautiful Bird And Always Has Been Because You Were Always With Me And I Always Loved You...

    A Dream Come True In Time With You; A Secret Fantasy Making Love With You Was A Long Ago Thought Of Mine... You Are My Lover And Best Friend.... Dear Beautiful Bird I Love You True.......

  • Lewy Lewis (8/18/2013 10:31:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Did I hear you singing????

    It could have been just a little dream of you and your music that it plays in my ear and when I hear I dream in my mind of you...............

    I may not be a prince I may not have any wealth in this world, but you will always be in my heart, let’s just make our life’s bigger, bigger then what we feel we have. Let this friendship and feeling continue let me continue to hear you in my ear, Do not change who you are for anyone but me…..

    Don't believe too much of what you hear, man never walked on the moon in 1969, , , But believe this I am so happy with the giant steps I took to get to you.............

    What do you say, say it now or forever hold your tongue???????????SAY THE THREE WORDS AND LET IT RUN THREW YOUR BLOOD...............

    I never been so Kool since I met you, this passion burns like never before, love was far from my mind but now it’s so close I do not wanna get burnt again but I cannot resist you...........

    What I must do to love you is easy, it comes natural, we know we go together better than ever......

    It’s just a matter of time and distance now...........

    Give me half a chance and I will be there with you............

    O Beautiful Woman how I know something about you and I.........

    Now........... Give me half a chance and I will be there with you............

    O Beautiful Woman how I know something about you and I.........

    Have I said too much, you seem like a fast Machine, the best looking women I EVER SEEN…

    Your knocking me out with them beautiful eyes... Kool me down ………

    I LOVE YOU

  • Nicholas Errico (8/17/2013 7:15:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Any suggestions? I'm new to this.

    _______________________________________

    There is no time to say goodbye,
    Because life is sweetly, succinctly
    Never-ending;
    A drink with a bittersweet, sour-bite
    Gentleness.

    There is no goodbye, only love's
    Whisper-strength, carrying us
    Down the river,
    Over mountain tops and wheat fields
    And concrete forests aglow with
    After-evening's afterthoughts.

    Because when we go, we don't go far:
    We go into another's drink,
    We go into another's whisper.
    For when we go, we don't go far;
    We go into the hearts and mirrors
    And lives and wives.
    Because life is sweetly, succinctly
    Never-ending.

  • Raquel Gutter (8/13/2013 9:01:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    My sun doesn't shine like yours
    rise like yours
    give light like yours

    My rain doesn't pour like yours
    shower like yours
    flood like yours

    My butterfly doesn't evolve like yours
    change colors like yours
    leave behind traces of beauty like yours

    My heart doesn't
    beat like yours
    feel like yours
    heal like yours
    break like yours
    burn like yours

    My soul doesn't feel like yours
    give like yours

    But somehow I want all of you to soak up like a sponge

    But my eyes don't see like yours
    or cry like yours

    So it sit back and wait until i can be yours
    Until we have one goal
    one love
    one space
    one vision
    one blessing
    one fate
    one house
    one last name

    Together
    two cars
    two rings
    two minds
    two souls
    together

    i'll wait until
    My sun shines like yours
    until my butterfly flies like yours
    until my heart loves like yours
    together; on one accord

    Replies for this message:
[Hata Bildir]