Critiques and Revision


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  • Rookie Mohammad Tabatabaei (9/1/2013 10:07:00 AM) Post reply
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    With reference to poem titled Hijaab by Sulaymon, I would like to say that it is unnatural and barbaric to hide the beauty of nature (of a woman) and it will certainly lead to sexual perversion (paedophile) which is so widespread in moslem countries.

  • Rookie Sulaymon Tadese Faozahny (8/31/2013 11:02:00 AM) Post reply

    Hijaab


    Hijaab Hijaab Hijaab
    Why the argument?
    Why do you dress the way you did?
    Do you feel ashamed?
    Were of prying eyes?

    Catholic nun in Hijab
    Christian nun in Hijab
    Mother nun in Hijab
    Muslim sister in Hijab
    Muslim sister in full veil

    How great speech
    From Reberto Maroni
    Italian Minister
    Elucidate
    That

    If the virgin Mary appears
    Wearing a veil
    On all her pictures,
    How can you ask me
    To sign a HIJAB BAN LAW?

    What did the scripturs says?
    Which control the wearing Hijab
    Corinthian 11 v 5-10
    Genesis 24 v 63-67
    Quran 33 v 59

    Therefore
    Shown that
    Christianity
    Culture
    Islam

    Enjoin women
    To cover their head
    And body
    For the protection
    Of the society

    From
    Sexual harassment
    NakedNess, promiscuity
    Fornication
    And adultery

    Using Hijab or head cover
    Therefore,
    Shows dignity, honour,
    Morality, chastity of
    Women race over animal kingdom

  • Rookie Scott Forsberg (8/29/2013 8:15:00 AM) Post reply

    Vice
    By: Scott C. Forsberg

    consumed by the poizen of the bottle.
    going down it's path at full throttle.
    indulged by it's delight, Taken by it's pleasure
    often forgetting cherished treasures
    without perception that is it's deception
    to disguise it's true intention
    until awakened in a hollow, curled around a rock
    praying for redemption now knowing it's deception

  • Rookie Sulaymon Tadese Faozahny (8/29/2013 7:16:00 AM) Post reply

    A Suspicious Danger


    As fragile as an egg,
    Over exerting it in handling
    Will break it many pieces,
    Leaving it to do,
    As it likes,
    Makes it more defined,
    Moral less and shameless.

    Its roles, however, in a gathering,
    Cannot be belittled,
    Its absence in an organization
    Renders the environment anarchical
    Its presence in a gathering
    On the Other hand
    Proffers an impending danger
    When it faces you.

    It 'radiates' danger.
    Showing you its back,
    You are in perilous circumstances,
    Let alone speaking with it
    It is a friendly devil.
    Better say 'a suspicious danger'.

    The annals let us understand
    That many organizations have dispersed,
    May are the God-fearing beings
    Who has become spiritually moron
    Many husbands have become
    Unfortunate hen-pecked persons
    Due to their tricky handiwork

    Beware, oh! Leaders and followers
    Of attractively-seem flower.
    And of ripe bananas
    Which are liable to get spoilt
    Within a short period of time
    What am I addressing?
    It is 'WUMEN'.

    Beware of keeping in company
    Of ladies, rather women
    In conversation in vain talks
    With them or in wild play
    Apart from someone,
    Who is undergoing,
    A religious training

    Beware of things,
    Which hinders organization's progress,
    They change's well-sprout'tree
    To leafless and fruitless
    They change a good believer
    To a spiritually-decayed man,
    A purposeful group becomes purposeless

    They are, moreover,
    Like salt and foul-smelling things,
    Emitting a foul-smelling things,
    Into one's mouth,
    And mixture honey with it,
    The missing cannot be swallowed,
    The honey cannot be spot out.

    Let us careful of them,
    Dry uncut calabash was careful not,
    It burnt on fire,
    Uppermost root was careless
    It fell over the floor
    If a property-owner is not careful,
    He will lose his properties to thieves.

  • Rookie Sulaymon Tadese Faozahny (8/27/2013 3:03:00 PM) Post reply

    Almighty


    How cans a man
    Love me,
    Unconditionally?

    How cans a man
    Love me,
    When I don’t love him?

    How cans a man
    Love me,
    Without limit?

    How cans a man
    Be faithful
    While me unfaithfulness?

    How cans a man
    Tell me, he love me
    In my unfaithfulness?

    What a manner of man
    Will run after me
    Even as I go astray?

    What a manner of man
    Will call at me
    Even when am so far away?

    What a manner of man
    Will stretch out his hand
    To rescue me?

    What a manner of man
    Will forgive me no matter
    How many times I wrong him?

    Why wills a man
    Want me despite
    My filthy attire?

    Why wills a man
    Of high class come down
    To my level just to be with me?

    Why wills a man
    Sacrifice all he has
    Just for my happiness?

    Why wills a man
    Give up all he has
    For my freedom?

    Why wills a man
    Take my place for my comfort
    After what I have done?

    Why wills a man
    Pay a debt
    He never owed?

    God
    So love the universe
    His passion, deeper than oceans

    Higher than the heavens,
    Reaches than the stars
    In the sky

    His amity has no bound,
    No limit, no expiring date,
    His love never grows sour

    His affection is merciful
    Full of compassion,
    Grace just name it

    So unfaithful
    As I am,
    He still is faithful

    So ungrateful
    Yet
    He’s still providing

    Going my own way
    Yet he call out to me
    My love takes my hand.

    Your
    Tenderness
    Is so great.

    Your embrace
    Is so warm
    And comforting.

    Your voice
    Is so sweet
    And soothing.

    You are the almighty,
    All wise, the kingdom
    Of the heavens and the earth

    You are the one
    Who gives life, causes death
    And He is able to do all things

    Then
    Which of blessings
    Of your God will you both deny?

  • Rookie Chloe Coleman (8/26/2013 12:36:00 PM) Post reply

    " Pickle"

    Clang of metal on glass,
    a tiny trident pierces the green skin.
    fat drops run down the weapon,
    and splash onto the table,
    green on silver.
    red lips press
    against the green flesh,
    possessive and passionate.
    A flash of ivory
    and all is but sweet memory.

  • Rookie Sulaymon Tadese Faozahny (8/23/2013 8:26:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    The Woman


    A strong being
    An epitome of beauty
    The glory of a man
    The best of all creation

    A mother, a wife
    A companion,
    A friend,
    The pillar of the home

    A teacher, a student,
    A helper, a caretaker
    A man,
    A repairer, a destroyer

    Treat her like an egg
    Because she’s fragile
    Hold her tenderly and
    Carefully lest she breaks

    Treat her well
    As you do yourself
    Love her as much as you
    Do love yourself

    Correct her with words
    Scold her, punish her
    But never beat her
    Lay a finger on her

    Mind the kind of words
    You say to her
    Her emotion are triggered
    To you have said.

    Tolerate her
    Be patient with her
    Get the best from her
    Show her love

    Shower her with gift
    Protect her
    Honours her
    Because she’s a part of you

    Give her attention
    Get what you deserve from her
    Make her happy
    You’re stolen her heart.


    Treat her like the queen
    Treat her as the mother
    Treat her like the wife
    Treat her like companion.

    She’s not a baby-making machine
    She’s not pleasure machine
    She’s not punching bag
    She’s not all of the above

    The woman
    Is an unique creature
    Incomparable features
    Endowed with beauty

    Don’t treats her like trash
    Treat her like an egg
    The woman knows
    More than man knows.

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  • Rookie Theresa Walker (8/22/2013 9:38:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    The Evolution of My Freedom

    Come go take a journey back and
    witness the birth of my spirit.
    I claim greatness to he who resides in me and
    who gave me a sense of dignity.
    As trauma and pain and living against the grain
    take a tole on my little girl soul
    I look into eyes like mine and and
    give her permission to cry
    Cry for those that tried to steal our soul
    cry for those that were taken home
    Existing in the essence of those that came before me
    and were reassured that one day their prayers would set us free
    The testimony that we have endured submerged us in the
    best of the test
    as we take steps into the light
    we continue to push through and fight
    Come here lil one and hug my heart with your sweet embrace
    I see the promise of hope on your face
    I spread my arms to merge our strength and love and
    just as I thought we fight like a glove
    My spirit hears the sweetest sound
    she whispers that she is glad that she was found
    She goes on to tell me that she was sad and lonely for oh so long
    and glad that I looked back and took the time to settle down
    She holds my hand and we begin to walk our journey together
    allowing our hearts soar like a feather
    hop, skip, sing and play we dance and laugh our day away
    long into the evening our heartbeats a symphonic rhythm
    and our cheeks blush a shade of crimson
    we walk and talk and reminisce and discuss the moments that we missed
    we nestle next to the rolling stream and
    each let out an exhale of scream
    we laugh out loud and giggle together
    and realizing we have always been here forever
    her with I and I with her
    Knowing from this day forward we would always be heard
    the universe will hear us as one

    Theresa Walker

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  • Rookie Robert Hamilton (8/20/2013 8:09:00 PM) Post reply

    Near a Wall


    eyes open
    near a wall
    stale air
    daylight near
    bird chirps
    car passes
    chilly

    stand up
    near a wall
    collect thoughts
    forgot them all
    fear struck
    two bucks
    in pocket
    what luck

    walking
    near a wall
    almost six
    feeling sick

    waiting
    near a wall
    car pulls up
    door opens
    fix in sight
    bottle of white
    bills spent
    down white went

    standing
    near a wall
    forgot it all
    again!
    Author Notes

    2009
    © Robert Hamilton. All rights reserved

  • Rookie Survi Sharma (8/19/2013 12:12:00 AM) Post reply

    why dont poemhunter rewards ranks to their poet members
    there should be a ranking system starting from down to highest level, it will encourage the poets as well
    the increment in rank would be based on no. Of poems and no.of comments done and received.
    i may say you understand my request
    thanx

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