Critiques and Revision

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  • Gold Star - 14,612 Points John Westlake (10/3/2014 8:03:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply
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    I didn’t intend to set your life ablaze

    I just wanted to start a small fire

    designed to melt way that frozen stone

    hidden deep inside of you

    that you called your heart

    “As cold as the arctic bathed in moonlight”

    was what your ex said about you

    unfeeling to the last

    “as beautiful as a summer’s day

    but radiating the bitter chill of winter”

    That may have been your exterior

    but inside I knew that was a different person

    warm caring and nice

    hidden away and frozen

    almost forgotten

    apparently for her own protection

    Then one day I gave you a hug

    and a spark leapt from my heart to yours

    scorching its way into your chest

    igniting your lungs in the process

    for many days the fire burned

    getting fiercer by the hour

    gently eating away your resistances

    melting your glaciers to nothing

    When next we met it was out of control

    many of your bridges were gone

    only one remained and it was the one we built

    nothing remained of the others apart from ash

    I never intended to set your life ablaze

    that happened purely by accident

    but while the fires are still alight

    your heart will no longer freeze again

    your tundra has been destroyed

    never to be reformed

    Replies for this message:
    • Gold Star - 14,612 Points Lynn Bryan (10/9/2014 2:16:00 AM) Post reply

      It is obvious that your intent is to capture an overwhelming experience of investment that has been betrayed. But I will say, you are almost there. Be mindful in knowing, the less you say is more. com ... more

  • Rookie - 547 Points Nehemiah Theophylus Haokip (10/1/2014 4:22:00 AM) Post reply

    Are You some one out of any body?
    Are you anybody out of some body?
    Are you no one out of any body?
    Are you any one out of nobody?
    Are you nobody out of every body?
    but you are any body out of every body,
    but you are some body out of nobody,
    but you are nobody out of any body,
    but you are every body out of nobody,

  • Veteran Poet - 2,636 Points Points Of View (9/28/2014 7:21:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Critique is a method of disciplined, systematic analysis of a written or oral discourse. Critique is commonly understood as fault finding and negative judgement, but it can also involve merit recognition, and in the philosophical tradition it also means a methodical practice of doubt. The contemporary sense of critique has been largely influenced by the Enlightenment critique of prejudice and authority, which championed the emancipation and autonomy from religious and political authorities. Critique is an accepted format of written and oral debate. Some authors draw a distinction between critique and criticism. The distinction is not made in French, German, or Italian, where the two words both translate as critique, Kritik, and critica, respectively. According to philosopher Gianni Vattimo, criticism is used more frequently to denote literary criticism or art criticism, that is the interpretation and evaluation of literature and art; while critique may be used in the English language to refer to more general and profound writing as Kant's Critique of pure reason. Another proposed distinction is that critique is never personalized nor ad hominem, but is instead the analyses of the structure of the thought in the content of the item critiqued. This analysis then offers by way of the critique method either a rebuttal or a suggestion of further expansion upon the problems presented by the topic of that specific written or oral argumentation. Even authors that believe there might be a distinction, say that there is some ambiguity that is still unresolved.

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  • Gold Star - 12,500 Points Mohammad Skati (9/28/2014 4:34:00 PM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

    Sitting on top of one's ivory tower will not help improve criticism of a poem or a poet anytime, so we need to be objective anytime. Thanks.

    Replies for this message:
    • Gold Star - 12,500 Points Points Of View (9/28/2014 7:12:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      Criticism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Criticism is the practice of judging the merits and faults of something or someone in an intelligible (or articulate) ... more

    • Gold Star - 12,500 Points John Westlake (9/28/2014 5:29:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      There are many of us who DO support poets and their poetry. I know I do. You are once again over generalising and that does not help your cause.

  • Rookie - 16 Points Anjali Lal Gupta (9/26/2014 10:50:00 PM) Post reply

    Poetry enthusiasts and poets, here is a poem I wrote. Would like your feedback:

    Some years back

    You say
    I must forget
    Did you say when we met
    That a must for all meetings
    Is Forgetting?

  • Gold Star - 14,612 Points John Westlake (9/26/2014 7:05:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    An ex’s word is easily broken
    as lie tumble from their lips
    so untrue is everything they’ve spoken
    falsehoods even spilling from their hips

    But when it’s all found out
    and deception is broken
    how dishonourable do they now seem
    trust was been shattered
    into a thousand fragments
    many to be lost to the winds
    not to be repaired on this occasion

    Even when forgiveness is considered
    to let all the lies be in the past
    one thing should never be forgotten
    and that is a simple truth

    An ex’s word is easily broken
    they’re not together so they will conceal the facts
    ignore almost every word that they are speaking
    until they can at last prove without a doubt
    that their word can actually hold solid once more

    Replies for this message:
    • Gold Star - 14,612 Points Points Of View (9/27/2014 9:42:00 AM) Post reply

      Ex's word is easily broken.... But ex's when fix together can actually hold solid once more.. Ex's is now again C..

  • Gold Star - 12,500 Points Mohammad Skati (9/21/2014 9:34:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Harsh criticism of other members will inevitably lead to harsher criticism by other members, so please to those who look with one eye, they must be careful that others have two wide eyes. Thanks.

    Replies for this message:
    • Gold Star - 12,500 Points John Westlake (9/21/2014 2:09:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      Not always. It may lead to the member who made the harsh criticism being roundly criticised in return, maybe by more than one member.

  • Rookie - 10 Points Ben Douglas (9/19/2014 4:57:00 PM) Post reply | Read 2 replies

    Sometimes I get inspired
    I feel colors in my veins
    pulsing in anticipation,
    burning through my skin
    leaking out of pores
    So I let it drip onto a blank page

    Sometimes I get inspired
    I breath in a word
    it buzzes in my lungs for days
    caged by my teeth, fighting with my tongue
    It begins to choke me
    So I cough it onto a blank page

    But sometimes I’m not
    The only thing I feel
    is a weight of expectation
    self imposed and heavy
    pressing down my hands and tongue
    silencing my mind
    so for now
    I’ll just leave the page blank

    Replies for this message:
    • Rookie - 10 Points Hannah Bp (11/12/2014 6:46:00 PM) Post reply

      Wow this is very beautiful. Keep writing; you have a great talent for it. Even when you couldn't get the right words out you still wrote something. You letting it go and without holding back. [Or at ... more

    • Rookie - 10 Points Mohammad Skati (9/25/2014 8:13:00 AM) Post reply

      Hi, poet Ben. Your pretty lines are great and inspiring. Go ahead Thanks.

  • Gold Star - 14,612 Points John Westlake (9/19/2014 2:57:00 PM) Post reply

    Was it wrong of me
    things went so bad too fast
    I could not stay to watch the end
    had to get away from everything

    The memories we made
    I’ve packed away
    in the black leather suitcases
    that they arrived in 6 years ago
    now I need to try to clear them from my head

    But I can still feel the desire
    that I had for you
    will someone else cure it??
    and I still feel the caress of your left hand
    please just stop it
    so I can just rest and escape away
    before I go crazy

    I know that it’s not that simple
    most of you will never fade from here
    so rather than forget you completely
    I will raise a memorial in my mind
    to how it once was
    and let it stand for now in place
    until time wears it away

  • Rookie - 0 Points Bill Charles (9/18/2014 6:50:00 PM) Post reply


    The more I stay Away,
    The more we change, like the leaves
    from green to gray, like a catepillar to a butterfly,
    But heres a thought, for who?You?
    No never, Lieing is the snake around our hearts, killing us
    I escape, Wake up! Wake up! Comeback!
    But your gone, trapped in its slimey clutches,
    Venom pouring into your veins,
    You live in LaLa now, with Alice,
    Cold with no remorse,

    I fly away, so high, up in the clouds,
    forgetting the serenade of your voice,
    in exchange for gentle breezes,
    words, coming out like buzzards,
    that haunt me,
    comeback, Stay, Stay with me

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