Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision

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  • Terrance Tracy (2/10/2014 12:05:00 AM) Post reply Stage


    Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.
    Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society
    of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have
    always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius
    of their age, betraying their perception that the absolute trustworthy
    was seated at their heart, working through their hands, predominating
    in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest
    mind the same transcendent destiny; and not minors and invalids
    in a protected corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution,
    but guides, redeemers and benefactors, obeying the Almighty effort
    and advancing on Chaos and the Dark.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson. Essay on Self-Reliance;

    Early one morning I heard the crowing of a young rooster announcing
    his vibrato for all to hear. It mattered not that there were no hens
    in sight, the redundancy of his crow was to let everyone know that he
    had arrived to claim this was his territory, but was it of no avail, for his crow
    was flatulence for all to hear because there were no chickens in the yard
    to appreciate his pompous boast.

    O that men would have the faith to not give in, but to accept that his
    divine destiny does not belong to him. For he feeds from the trough
    of divine providence as the plate from which he must agree.
    The dish of divine providence is not easy for men to digest.
    It is full of twists and turns that are aimed to distract with illusions
    of self-importance and pompous greed. But to the man who stays his course
    and does not look back is a man who will succeed for his masters rejoice.

    The decades take their toll of hearing, seeing, and the ability to perform
    a simple task. Do we give in to these afflictions or do we keep going
    with the conviction that the divine providence has been served because
    we have faith that can move mountains regardless of the situation.

    Like the rooster we seek our highest elevation and cry out for salvation
    no matter if we not see nor hear, there is one who cares that no man shall perish
    we are given a choice; to run like cowards or persevere in circumstance
    and stay the course.
    Terrance Tracy

  • Kathleen Neff (2/5/2014 4:23:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Check out my new poem. " Green."

    Meadows, hills, Arkansas,
    Vast open meadows with blooming
    flowers reaching toward the sun.
    Encircled with trees, a protective wall.
    Inside that place, I can be myself
    hidden from all.

    Meadows, hills, Arkansas.
    A stately topped with a grand tree
    standing tall and proud.
    A lowly rock stands as a companion
    to the leafy giant.
    Standing beside the tree upon the rock,
    I feel like a queen
    Joined with nature and in command.

    Meadows, hills, Arkansas
    Looking past people and focusing
    on nature's handiwork.
    My eyes and my heart see beauty.
    Enchanting, colorful, protective and breathtaking
    the meadows make an imprint in my mind.
    Stepping stones round, smooth, and rolling.
    The hills create a sense of joy and contentment.
    My home, my childhood, my place
    Arkansas draws my heart
    to be ever so near.

    Kathleen Neff.

  • Jessica Dehn (2/5/2014 12:29:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    This one is my newest one. Please any critique or comment you have. Thank you

    I am Valid!

    Every thought, every feeling, everything is valid!
    Do not discount me because you disagree.
    Do not ignore what you don't understand.

    I am Valid!

    No I can not explain what it is I feel, but
    this does not make it untrue.
    No I can not stop thinking this way or that way.
    No I will not ignore myself, because I am valid.

    I am Valid!

    Every thought, every feeling, everything is valid!
    My mind will change, my feelings will change, but everything is valid.
    It will not make sense to you. You will not see my side.This does not change what I believe.

    I am Valid!

    Yes I might me wrong. Yes I will at times overthink and make a mess.
    Do not discount me because of this. I am valid. Each thought I think and each feeling that passes is valid. They are my right!
    They are me, each piece makes up a part of me. To deny any of them is to deny me.

    I am Valid.

  • Shelley Stanworth (2/1/2014 6:12:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Everyday to enhance my brain
    I'll smoke weed, sniff cocaine
    Have a beer to mask hidden pain
    Higher than treetops, insane

    Different day, same old shit
    Still outside the circle, a misfit
    I'm not tried, made of grit
    In life cowards are those who quit

    Whatever I believe in or think
    Changes moods faster than a blink
    I wish to tip the bad down the sink
    So whats left will match up, interlink

    Sick of just waiting for life to begin
    Want to be comfortable in my own skin
    Hate the compulsion to be better, to win
    The prize we seek must be found within

  • Melek Yuzlu (1/28/2014 8:32:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    I like the quiet places, the silent places -
    places inside my head.
    Places where I can run and hide
    in the moments when I feel afraid.

    I like the places that welcome me
    and let me run, or hide and play.
    I like the quiet moments
    where life seems far less grey.

    I like it when I'm free to be
    the one who chooses what to say -
    the one who sits in silence
    and hides herself away.

    I like the quiet places where
    in silence I may think at will,
    and sometimes in these silences
    I like to be quite still.

    I like my quiet places and
    the moments these may bring,
    for in my quiet moments
    I feel free to laugh, and play and sing.

    Melek yüzlü

  • Helen Claire Jones (1/28/2014 4:59:00 AM) Post reply Stage


    Cried so many tears over you
    lost my smile over the years
    I've danced in the rain
    until the sun came out
    I've waited to catch a rainbow
    until our dreams came true.
    I reach out my hand
    but your not there
    I call out your name
    no answer is heard
    The hunger in your eyes said it all
    it was a while before you called.
    Long chats and hazy days
    summer dreams and autumn ways.
    Saw the sun shine in your eyes
    The leap within your step
    golden moments within our hearts
    sharing thoughts that will never part.

  • Skitz Meraki (1/27/2014 5:38:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage


    begin again and break the bell
    forget the thing you cannot tell
    tried to warn you, ran away
    just to hurt you again today
    its fine, I can see the lies
    that cross the mirror in my eyes
    what happened then will happen now
    I told you not to fall or bow
    you didn't listen, now its old
    tripping over this fools gold
    tried not to break the thing you are
    then I took it much too far
    ill fall into the arms of night
    I've given up this fight

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  • Jessica Dehn (1/25/2014 3:10:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

    I would love any feed back any one might have on these three. Thank you.

    Pretty Lies

    Tell me again your pretty lies.
    Say them softly in my ear,
    Lie to me again and again.
    Never know truth or honesty,
    Tell me again you pretty lies.
    Dress them up so no one know.
    Truth and honesty you know not of!
    Whisper softly so i know,
    Which pretty lie do you tell.
    Will i ever know the truth of you?
    Tell me again your pretty lies.
    Deception seems to be your key,
    What of honesty do you know?
    With your pretty lies wrapped in bows.
    Worry not i do not know,
    Which is truth and which are lies.
    Tell me again your pretty lies.
    How i love your wicked truth!
    How i love the trick of life!
    Say them softly in my ear.
    Blind me with what i want to hear,
    Tell me again your pretty lies.

    What do you see?

    Who do you see when you look at me?
    Do you see joyful laughs and happy smiles, and think oh what a pretty doll we see?
    Do you see the hidden tear and frightful fears, and shake your head and that broken thing?
    Broken doll or Barbie doll, which do I appear?
    What do you see when you look at me?

    Dream Memories

    Lost with in my dreams.
    They start so lovely, filled with peace, love, and happiness.
    Sweet dreams of moments we have shared. Loving smiles and cherished laughs.
    Strong warm embraces brought calm thoughts of peace.

    Ever so slowly things begin to change.
    Cherished laughs are gone never to reappear.
    Smiles disappeared they came so seldom like ther were never there. All that is left now is saractic smirk and mocking sneers.
    What happened to that welcoming embrace?All that is there is the chill as you turn away.

    Now with in this bleak landscape I am alone drifting on memories.
    Cherished laughs, mocking sneers, warm embraces, and the chill of your back; oh how I miss them all. How I crave them all.
    Wishful thinker or glutten for punishment I am no longer sure which I am.

    Lost with in my dreams. Seeking away to escape the pain. Waking will not do for all of these are memories, haunting me night and day.

    I look forward to hearing what have to say.

    Replies for this message:
    • Rohn Moosh (1/28/2014 4:59:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply Stage

      Pretty Lies- . When you read a title like that, you tend to expect what is coming. Although a little predictable, you've done a great job making it so theatrical. You obviously have what it takes to ... more

  • Jose Baez (1/22/2014 10:04:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Hello every one, please take a look at my poems and feel free to tell me your honest opinion. I will appreciate it with all my heart. Thank you again.

  • Yolanda Zhang (1/22/2014 9:30:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    " self-portrait" that i regard my loneliness as the only priceless
    i have presupposed my place
    in between the Up and the Down.
    now that i see the Forest in darkness
    i have gone away barefoot and bloodstains
    carved into my delusional flesh and sound.
    now that i know the Trésor the noblesse
    i have entered the other end of grace
    into the vague marry-go-round.

    so the bliss is what i've found.
    and i am damned.


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