Critiques and Revision
(8/14/2012 10:24:00 AM)
I like your poem's structure because it shows how one person's attitude can change the attitude of many for the greater good and it also shows how important life is to both the individual and the world.
My only suggestions would be to shorten the second line ' the King enthroned in my most deepest and sacred mansion' to ' the King enthroned in my most sacred mansion' because this would make the poem's structure flow better with a better consistency of line and verse length. In addition, I think that the title should be repeated as the first line of the poem and that it and the lines 'life is the thing that...' and ' the King enthroned...' should group together with it to make one verse seperate from the now second verse: 'life is me in speech...'.
All in all, I really like your poem because it has a very rational, structured outlook on life that relates to all people.
Hope you find this feedback helpful