There's a fortune to be made in just about everything
in this country, somebody's father had to invent
everything--baby food, tractors, rat poisoning.
My family's obviously done nothing since the beginning
...
They didn't have much trouble
teaching the ape to write poems:
first they strapped him into the chair,
then tied the pencil around his hand
...
My daughter has lived overseas for a number
of years now. She married into royalty, and they
won't let her communicate with any of her family or
friends. She lives on birdseed and a few sips
...
I sat in the old tree swing without swinging. My loafer had fallen off and I left it on the ground. My sister came running out of the house to tell me something. She said, 'I'm going to camp tomorrow.' I said, 'I don't
...
She was in terrible pain the whole day,
as she had been for months: a slipped disc,
and there is nothing more painful. She
...
I like to see doctors cough.
What kind of human being
would grab all your money
just when you're down?
...
O sleepy city of reeling wheelchairs
where a mouse can commit suicide if he can
concentrate long enough
...
My cuticles are a mess. Oh honey, by the way,
did you like my new negligee? It's a replica
of one Kim Novak wore in some movie or other.
I wish I had a foot-long chili dog right now.
...
A vagabond is a newcomer
in a heap of trouble.
He's an eyeball at a peephole
that should be electrocuted.
...
Someone had spread an elaborate rumor about me, that I was
in possession of an extraterrestrial being, and I thought I knew who
it was. It was Roger Lawson. Roger was a practical joker of the
worst sort, and up till now I had not been one of his victims, so
...