All pimples and pubic hair,
I know you would never dare
Go through those teenage years again;
Too much aggression
...
I took you to a B&B
And signed us in as man and wife,
A cosy guest-house by the sea
For the worst weekend in my life.
...
Christ spoke to me from the gallows
And burned a hole in my heart.
He said I'd never be the same again,
...
Look at the time! It's half-past six!
Time for me to be getting my kicks!
I'll have some whisky,
It'll make me frisky,
...
Fred spent his childhood playing guitars,
Hunting for rabbits and counting the stars;
When he got older he sat around bars
Drinking tequila and smoking cigars.
...
The man who strangles babies
Looks just like me or you,
But organises Sunday outings
To the Chocolate Factories of Death.
...
Now that I'm lying in my hearse
I realize that my paltry verse
Was simply just an ego-trip,
An attempt to show that I was 'hip'
...
This is the hour when the poet grieves,
Picking his way through the rain-sodden leaves,
Betrayed by a promise he no longer believes
As he throws in his lot with murderers and thieves.
...
It's a Mortal Sin, everyone knows,
To masturbate or blow your nose!
My Christian friend is so squeaky clean
It makes want to shout out something obscene!
...