Admittedly depressing, but you show that you know a bit about poetic structure and some higher level wording. I'd recommend watching out for the syllable count of each line you put down. Syllables hold the flow of a rhyme scheme together. Otherwise, bravo.
I'll be blunt, it was written in quite a minimalist style, and indeed it is a little juvenile. I do see the potential here, though. What you need to work on is expanding your vocabulary and possibly enhancing the structure of your poems.