Nick Hopton

Nick Hopton Poems

Nick Hopton Biography

A quick biography of me. My parents fell in love at the age of 16 and 17. Got married at 18 and 19 and are still deeply in love now. They tried for 7 years to have me and a year after my birth I was gifted with a sister. I had a wonderfully loving family who nurtured my curiosity. I guess these lyrics sum up my childhood.  'When I was young It seemed that life was so wonderful A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical And all the birds in the trees Well they'd be singing so happily Joyfully, playfully watching me' But my innocence could not last, oh no an ego must be constructed. We must pit the children against each other in a constant competition of one up man ship. Tell them that some are great at this, others are great at this. Start the process of separation definition. I was cruelly ripped out of a world where everything was one. To a world where I was a clever boy and the only way that meant anything was if I was better than others at one thing or another. Bigheadedness was born out of a fear that really I wasn't better. One endless hoop after another and success was just through the other side, always the other side.  But then they send me away To teach me how to be sensible Logical, responsible, practical And then they showed me a world Where I could be so dependable Clinical, intellectual, cynical I worshipped the intellect. Everything could be understood, comprehended. There is no god and when you die there's nothing. But always there was this memory of another world. A beautiful mysterious wonderful world of feeling and experience. The intellect found Buddhism and the Tao de Ching. And as for experience, large doses of magic mushrooms did the trick. So I'd found the mysterious wonderful world, yet everyday I was forced into a building where everything was a diagram a test. Learning what others had learnt not finding out discovering things learning what others had discovered. Where was the wonder? The joy? Oneness? It was crushed with competition insecurity and blandness. I'd found the world I loved and was forced into a world of fear and doubt. Where everyone was out for themselves. I was lost in this world so I clung to what I knew, logic reason. Mathematics the sciences. I was good so I followed the natural course of everyone's expectations medicine. Before I went I had a gap year where I had the most wonderful experiences of my life I was free and I traveled to south America became who I wanted to be. Had friends who loved me for me. And I loved myself, who I was, but alas this did not last.  Medicine. A degree who's name stirs the ideas of responsibility, sensibility, intellectuality. A world of beauty, wonder, discovery, acceptance, joy. To being a machine, having to assimilate as much information as possible in the shortest amount of time. No time for questioning, exploration. No. Just assimilate, regurgitate.  I knew this before I went but I hoped nay, prayed that it's saving grace would be my fellow students. Maybe I'd find people like me. People who could see through the materialistic, consumer based, individualistic capitalism for the shroud it was. Who had questioned everything like me. Who knew that life wasn't meant to be like this. We were meant to be happy, to love, to know that really i am you and you are me and that everything is truely one.  Instead I found the exact opposite. Oh they could learn. Repeat back exactly what they were told brilliantly. But that was it. I'd jumped through all the hoops to get there, but I didn't believe in them. Didn't let them define me. Didn't just accept them. To me it was all a game and I was good at the intellectual game, but it wasn't fun. I'd given up believing I could understand the world with the intellect quite a time ago. They hadn't, they didn't know it was just a game. Now I'm generalising here I can't help but do so, for most were strongly monotheistic and intellectual. And whilst I could play that game it was only fun if the others new it was a game as well.  The expectation of society, my parents, grandparents and well being completely lost, thrust me into depression and a heroin habit (for nothing suppresses pain better) . Eventually suspended my studies, came off the heroin and went back to my great friends who I went to lots of gigs with. Had a glorious time. My parents saw the transition from low to high. Called out some psychiatrists who I politely told to stick it where the sun don't shine and I got sectioned for being too trusting of people therefor people could take advantage of me. Only after being sectioned did I truly realise how different I was.  The mental home alienated me from my parents and when I came out I was by myself. Lost, so back to drugs, ketamine this time. It took me 2 years to know what to do. I looked inside and really searched for the subject I loved at school and it was drama.  My life has been my show, my performance. For I don't consider myself to be nick, he is just a creation, a performance.  )

The Best Poem Of Nick Hopton

Lying And Crying

Tryin’a be something your not
Wanting what you haven’t got
Never satisfied always lied
Never satisfied always cried
Knowing that something is wrong
You’ve felt this all along
You’ve forgotten how to sing
Life’s glorious primal hymn
Never satisfied always lie
Never satisfied always cry
Trying to just get out
Trapped by worry insecurity doubt
The truth is just what you believe
How you interpret what you see
Never satisfied always having to lie
Never satisfied always wondering why
I wish you could see what i see
A little girl so pretty
Intelligent clever cute and funny
Maybe if you knew this
You’d be happy
But you just keep on
Trying to justify all your lies
All alone only then you cry
Boring job Working nine to five
Two kids a husband
You’re his wife
You’re owned by another
He’s a friend an addiction not your lover
So you accept all you are is lies
The truth is a memory
That’s why you cry
Routine monotony blinding wonder
How much more til you go under
Living experiencing solely pain
Wishing you’d be washed away with the rain
Your not what you thought you would be
Living your life through your children
At least they’re happy
The thought that someday they may lie
That you wont always be by their side
Can you let them go
Let them cry?
Not satisfied, living a lie
Not satisfied, life’s predictable dry
Beauty wonder amazement
Just a distant memory in your lament
Melancholy,  it’s all you live,
Melancholy is all you can give
Throwing opportunity away with your lies
Didn’t find an answer so wasted tears fly
Always trying to be satisfied
Every lie is justified
My answer is love nothing more
Nothing less
Love yourself
You’re more than second best
Just let go
Let go of this mess
Play have fun eliminate stress
Inside your just a little girl
Eager to experience the wonder of the world
Someday
Someday
You won’t have to lie
Someday
Someday
Wasted tears won’t fly
You’ll be satisfied
You’ll know why
You’ll actually for once feel alive

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