Otido Omukuba (Nairobi)
Thirty Limericks On Various Subjects
LIMERICKS / ANTI LIMERICKS
The writing of good limericks you see
requires two parts insanitee -
two parts rhythyme
and three parts rhyme.
With that, you'll master the art completelee.
An exquisite limerick must have a twist -
something to pop when least
you expect it
like a bit of wit -
or even at times a disproportionately long, unrhymed and out of meter last line.
It is true that in many a Muslim land,
the lengthy limerick is quite bann'd
- but with tact
- u can contract
just ensure ‘MOHAMMED' appears and looks rather grand.
Limericks, apparently, should have anapests
but rules can be such pesky pests
I'd rather write mine
the way I like
with poor rhymes and iambs at best.
Am told a limerick should have Anna Pest.
First of all let me say I have searched East and West
and found that no one sane
can go by that name
Who she is and what she does - is anybody's guess.
There was a major scientist from China
who really wanted to make his skills finer
- on children he experimented
- but then he got arrested
for being major when dealing with minors
Now in the great land of Mongolia,
where They feed on magnolias
it is considered rude
not to eat their food
when you go there- don't say I never told ya
In the Chinese county of Xiao Xing
was a poet by the name Hu Ling
when writing a song-
he never went wrong -
for in Chinese, all the words are rhyme Ming.
Once upon a time in India
there lived an obese empress called Maria;
though pretty inside,
and all that jibe
no prince charming would marry her.
Believe it or not in Pakistan
when a woman marries a man
the woman pays a fee
of a million rupees
so I'll be moving there soon as I can
There once was a fellow named Banner
who had some very queer manners
he would turn all green
if you know what I mean
and trample o'er cars - one after another.
There once was a man named Bruce
whose subtle insanities induced
him to dress like a bat-
in order to combat -
crazed clowns and criminals on the loose
There was once a lad from Nairobi
who had a very queer hobby
he'd dress up like a bat,
sometimes, as a cat
I blame the movies - said his mommy.
Karl El the son of Jorelle
fell for the supermodel Giselle
but his salary small
couldn't sustain a girl that hot -
so he figured - Lois Lane will do just as welle
This fellow, Peter Parker
got himself bit by a spider
don't laugh -
that's just half -
coz now he looks like a tarantuler.
Hiragana Urahara Kisuke Fuwatara
and Majimoto Yukishimoto Fushihara
two lads from Japan,
were quite surprised to learn
that their names had more syllables than this last line -ra!
There was a chap from South Africa
who drank way too much liquor
when asked by his wife -
to end his strife-
he merely sighed and promptly switched to vodka.
So many women from Azerbaijan
fell in love with this Belgian.
When it was found
he was a dogging hound
they drowned him deep in a vat of valium.
There was this fellow from Rabat
who thought himself a rabbit
it took quite a while -
but he got convinced alright
that only in Jamaica can rabbit become Rabat.
There was this fellow from Jamaica
and whenever he saw a mechanicah
with a sweet ride,
he would chide:
and ask - hey maan, did ya make ha?
A pretty lady from Malawi
got lost in the heart of Hawaii
well she saw a log
thought it was a hog
and froze stiff like a mummy.
There was this girl named Moraa
who in the mornings was quite a horror:
looked just like a ghost -
and when she went lost
sad to say -nobody went looking for her.
I knew lass who could hang
upside down from her bangs
she looked like a bat
but meowed like a cat
there's more - but I think that's enough.
The most magnificent Miss Miranda
happened to be in a bit of a blunder
she was American
but sounded Jamaican
and man, nabadi could understand ha.
There was a girl who had a fancy
that she looked somewhat like Beyoncy
she bought a mirror long -
and deduced she was wrong-
for she looked a lot more like Drew Nancy.
There happened to be a lad named Larry
whose skills mathematical were quite scary
at school he couldn't doodle
all he said was Google
now he's gotten so rich - I tell you, it's filthy.
A certain Steve fed on a regular staple
of fruits as he struggled to grapple
with utter poverty
but then eventually,
he formed a firm and named it apple.
There was once a boy named little Bill
who for some reason could just not sit still.
he hated meadows,
loved Gates and windows
and so caught all kinds of viruses at will.
A Dane and an Israeli met at Wimpy's
and their shared hatred for ASPee
led them to code
from their abode
a pretty script named PHPee
After leaving instructions to his underling,
The much revered James Gosling
-travelled to Java.
and found that lava
without Java can be pretty irritating.
Poet's Notes about The Poem
Comments about this poem (Thirty Limericks On Various Subjects by Otido Omukuba )
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