Arthur Guiterman

Arthur Guiterman Poems

The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup
Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;
...

The hippopotamus is strong
And huge of head and broad of bustle;
The limbs on which he rolls along
Are big with hippopotomuscle.
...

Learn this now before you are older:
Don’t go through life with a chip on your shoulder,
Always aggrieved and ever offended,
...

The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.
...

5.

Amœbas at the start
Were not complex;
They tore themselves apart
And started Sex.

And Sex has ruled the earth
From then till this,
Producing ...
...

Because on the branch that is tapping my pane
   A sun-wakened leaf-bud, uncurled,
Is bursting its rusty brown sheathing in twain,
   I know there is Spring in the world.
...

The planets are bells on his motley,
He fleers at the stars in their state,
He banters the suns burning hotly-
The Jester whose nickname is Fate.
...

The Deer don't dine
When a Wolf's about,
And the Porcupine
Sticks his quill-points out.
...

9.

I never loved your plains!--
Your gentle valleys,
Your drowsy country lanes
And pleachéd alleys.
...

Great god whom I shall carve from this gray stone
   Wherein thou liest, hid to all but me,
Grant thou that when my art hath made thee known
   And others bow, I shall not worship thee.
...

Across the sands of Syria,
Or possibly Algeria,
Or some benighted neighborhood of barrenness and drouth,
There came the Prophet Samu-u-el
...

This is the land that we love; here our fathers found refuge,
Here are the grooves of their plows and the mounds of their graves;
...

The Great Tyrannosaurus
Lived centuries ago;
Through marshes wet and porous
He rambled to and fro.
...

The General came in a new tin hat
To the shell-torn front where the war was at;
With a faithful Aide at his good right hand
...

In life there's naught
That's true, but Thought;
The Things we build on do but seem,
...

What one approves,
another scorns,
and thus
his nature each discloses.
...

The primitive Pithecanthropus erectus,
With whom the ethnologists rightly connect us,
Defended his own
...

On order that must be obeyed
I sing of a dear little maid;
A mirthfully serious,
...

The three-toed tree-toad
Sings his sweet ode
To the moon;
...

I saw a Melancholy Wasp
Upon a Purple Clover Knosp,
Who wept, 'The Poets do me Wrong,
Excluding me from Noble Song-
...

Arthur Guiterman Biography

Arthur Guiterman (pronounced /ˈɡɪtərmən/; November 20, 1871 - January 11, 1943) was an American writer best known for his humorous poems. Guiterman was born of American parents in Vienna, graduated from the College of the City of New York in 1891, and was married in 1909 to Vida Lindo. He was an editor of the Woman's Home Companion and the Literary Digest. In 1910, he cofounded the Poetry Society of America, and later served as its president in 1925-26.)

The Best Poem Of Arthur Guiterman

Strictly Germ-Proof

The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup
Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;
They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;—
It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized.

They said it was a Microbe and a Hotbed of Disease;
They steamed it in a vapor of a thousand-odd degrees;
They froze it in a freezer that was cold as Banished Hope
And washed it in permanganate with carbolated soap.

In sulphurated hydrogen they steeped its wiggly ears;
They trimmed its frisky whiskers with a pair of hard-boiled shears;
They donned their rubber mittens and they took it by the hand
And elected it a member of the Fumigated Band.

There's not a Micrococcus in the garden where they play;
They bathe in pure iodoform a dozen times a day;
And each imbibes his rations from a Hygienic Cup—
The Bunny and the Baby and the Prophylactic Pup.

Arthur Guiterman Comments

Sylvia Frances Chan 07 August 2021

CONGRATS being chosen as The POET of THE DAY! ! Today Saturday 7 August 2021

0 0 Reply
Donmelba74@gmail.com 31 July 2018

Send under the goal post, poem to this email please

1 0 Reply
Donald Smith 31 July 2018

Send the poem under the goal post to donmelba74@gmail.com

0 0 Reply
Donald Smith 31 July 2018

Had declamation in high school used the poem, Under the Goal Post, by Arthur Guiterman, now cant find, anyone know why?

0 0 Reply
Patti Howell 02 January 2005

I have heard of a poem by Arthur Guiterman about the camel and how he came to have a split lip. Does anyone have this poem at their disposal? E-mail to pchowell@everestkc.net Thanks, Patti

2 2 Reply

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