It's a Sunday morning bright and fair
and Christians wander off to mass,
Lining pews all singing where
sunbeams pierce stained window glass.
...
Its ruddy freezing in February our road outside is a sheet of ice,
We live at the bottom of a long steep hill, that’s significant and normally nice,
But there’s a car in our front garden it happens about once a year,
I said to the wife have you seen the Mercedes?
...
Tap tap, tapping,
The persistent tapping of rain on my window ledge,
Or was it the door?
Was it rain drops or the man next door?
...
There's a lady I know loves Chablis,
"It just slips down" she says, very happily,
By the fifth glass,
She's flat on her back,
...
When I was a baby I couldn't talk,
Give a few months and I managed a squawk
I learnt the few words you taught me to say,
You encouraged my learning every day,
...
If I eat my carrots can I see in the dark?
If I finish my spinach can I wrestle a shark?
If I eat all my crusts will my hair grow curly?
If I don't eat sweets will my teeth stay pearly?
...
I don’t have to tell you what happened next,
I walked into an ambush it wasn’t my fault,
Strolling the prom with a big bag of chips,
That’s when it commenced ‘The Seagull Assault’.
...
Ronald was flying on cloud nine,
He had the winning bid,
He always wanted a Burberry Mac,
Ever since he was a kid.
...
Two trees were talking in a wood,
Don't say it! You're thinking if they could?
Concerned about their acorns and,
The blessed squirrel's sneaky hand,
...
My Mother told me when I was ten,
I'd be mature at twelve and then,
Hair would leap out of my chin,
From little pores within my skin,
...