Auld Wife Fae Carnoustie
There wis an auld wife fae Carnoustie
Her drawers war bumshayvelt an fooshtie
The dottled auld feel, bocht a pair made o steel
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The Taj Mahal's love tale is eternal
Built by a prince to mark lost bridal joys
White marble sculpted in a vast farewell
Fashioned with all the grandeur wealth employs
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The pugilist is thick as a stick
Of fairground rock
Too many times he's been knocked
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Have you ever shared a table
Dribbling, drooling a succession
Of platitudes, as monkeys grunt
Whilst sociably delousing?
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Alum, dog turd, piss, egg, lime
Shakespeare's father was a glover
Lambskin kid and deer he used
To fashion gloves of finest leather
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As I walked along the shore of the Irish Sea
Up he rose from the water, uninvited
My husband, young as a rowan sprig in flower
Having left his gun on the ground of Ulster's troubles
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I do not jeer at squirrels
Or peel frogs out of their jumpsuits
I do not throw stones at angels
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They led the strange one into the woods
To the tree that stands like a twisted snake
And the hawthorn bush it tore his skin
But never a sound did the strange one make
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It takes 35 minutes to travel the Channel Tunnel
24 miles under murky fathoms of deep
Napoleon would have loved this foxy link
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