Suffering Servant

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My 2008. My Path Thru The Realm Of Pain And Suffering. My 2008

Why is 2008 for me my worst ever year
Ever since 3-9-08 I've shed many tears
Then on 10-9-08 I experienced my first ever fear
By my selfishness on 10-9-08 I lost someone very truly dear
For this year has been marked with pain, sadness, loneliness, darkness, and suffering everlasting

That to this very day,12-25-08, my most wonderful of days
I feel myself so alone deep in a terrible phase
That each direction I look seems the wrong way
But I have no choice but to endure and continue day to day

For Mulan and Matthew, my beautiful children, my only reason for living
For both hold the key to my sanity and I'm thankful for their giving
If only they knew how much I Love and need them, my beautiful angels so very forgiving
For I Love and miss them so much these past 9 months

Then there was the month of September
For this month my whole life I will remember
God sent to me in my most dire need, an angel so bright
That the darkness I was in, finally received light

This angel's name was Cristina L. Trinidad and she showed me so much Love and happiness
Every day we spent together, was blessed and filled with joyfulness
But then came that day,10-9-08 when my world was shattered due to my anger and selfishness
I lost my one true Love in a tragic motorcycle accident, and my life again is filled with darkness

I ask why must I suffer so, my children I have not seen in 9 months, my love lost to me forever
I pray so much to be rid of this pain and suffering....At times I can't even hold myself together
But I can't lose faith for I know this is not how Cristina wanted me to be
And for Mulan and Matthew, a strong father they need to see

Last night was a rough night, I felt so alone
I went to church and then came back to this big empty home
Its is now 1: 25pm on Christmas day and here I sit
So alone I feel, so very far I've fallen into my deep endless pit

In my head I think of Mary Magdalene
On how she was to be stoned for committing a sin
And Jesus says 'If you are without sin, then be the first to cast a stone'
This he said to all who wished to condemn Mary Magdalene
Then all that had a stone scattered away into the wind
And then Mary Magdalene was forgiven for all her sin
So I ask, if you are with sin and you condemn a sinner, did you yourself commit a terrible sin?

For what did I deserve Mary? ? To have you treat me the way you have this year
You gave me hope 8-16-08, but then after that you showed me so much hate
That God sent me an angel whom took away your pain done me and take your place
Cristina showed me so much love, gave me so much hope and restored all my faith

But then you came back into my world, and I wonder was it because Cristina you found out about?
You gave me hope of being a family again, you whispered 'I Love You' to me
So confused I was, are you sincere or are you jealous? Questions I know now, I was better off without
Then I find out, Mary, how truly fake you are. That our love once shared together can never again be

But by then, It was already to late
I already hurt her, one whom loved me so, for this sin, so much of myself I hate
I cut her short, played with her heart, made her hate
And I broke my promise of never would her heart I break

From there our Love that was so bright, was slowly covered in night
Each and everyday we began to fight
Where I ask did I lose sight of this beautiful angel sent to me so bright
What happened to our bond held with Love so tight

10-5-08
Sealed this day was my fate
This day I will forever ever hate
The day started good, we had lunch and a big hickey she gave me for one I gave her on a previous date
Then she came over at night, we ate at Culvers and she thanked me for a wonderful dinner together
Then later that night, our worst fight we ever had, this guilt I will live with forever
Things were said that should never have been said
Actions done never to have been done to anyone
Then she left and that was last I saw of my Friend, my Lover
Where and when did this day go wrong
Why Lord did I hurt the one person sent to me that made me so strong
For if that fight never happened that night
Cristina, here you would be my Love, forever in my sight
And our Love would be made right

Forever I will live with this Guilt, Sorrow, and Pain so unbearable
My Guilt, my Sin, to me....unforgivable

I walk this year a man alive, yet not living
An empty shell of a man wishing forgiveness, begging
Yes, I walked this year not living....but just existing
In a world so unforgiving

This is my burden to bare as my life to live
As punishment for my sin

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