There was a cute gal from near here
Who could always get a free beer
When she jiggled her jugs
The guys all went bugs
...
There was a young miss from Tulare
Whose countenance was very hairy.
She had so many zits
It near gave me fits.
...
East of the sun and west of the moon
With everything in the middle.
With planets and stars and asteroids
And even a cat with a fiddle.
...
There was an old woman,
She lived in a sandle.
Had more bread-grabbers
Than she could handle.
...
Most of the old adages that
We fools are fond of repeating
Are a bunch of hooey.
For example:
...
On the twenty-seventh of September in two oh oh eight
I made up my mind to tempt my fate.
I had a chance to go, if I flew
To Wash. D.C. with a World War crew.
...
I once knew a girl named Joan
And one day she threw me a bone.
She was pretty and fair
And had long blonde hair.
...
Holey, Moley! What did I just see?
Christ on a skateboard on the Zuider Zee.
Surfing along on top of the sea,
Saving our souls for etern-i-tee
...
Just why in hell do I have to ‘Press 1' for English?
Why?
Isn't this the land of Mom, Baseball,
And Apple Pie?
...
It sure is hot, one-hundred and five.
I feel like I'm being roasted alive.
And that's in the shade, o-kay
Best stay outta the shade today.
...