Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer

I know this is all my fault
I was the one to let go of you
after you told me to never do that...
I was your world and for the longest time,
you were mines.
Then life & decisions & depression changed all of that
I was so miserable and strongly believed that If I was alone
things would be much better.
I didn't feel loved.
I underestimated my meanings in life.
In other words, I was suicidal.
& just like that,
I broke my promises...
I told you I needed a break...
That probably was the biggest mistake of my life

I look back on our old relationship
and the cute little poems we wrote for each other.
I feel like a retard. Stupid ass retard.
We had it all. Everything was going great.
But I had to mess it up...
Like I always do....

I'm trying so hard to build that trust & love we had
But I am realizing that once something is broken,
there is a fat chance that it will never be the same.
This is true for us.

I can not force you to love me again.
I can not force you to trust me again.
I had my chances & I ruined it all.

But why am I complaining?
I brought this all on myself.
I deserve this. I really do.
It's about time I learn about keeping my promises