John Thorkild Ellison (17/04/51 / Edinburgh)

I always thought that Debbie Harry
Was the sort of girl I'd like to marry,
But she kept me Hanging on the Telephone
And now I spend my nights alone,

So I think I'll ring up Elkie Brooks
(Fantastic voice, amazing looks)
Together we'll drink Lilac Wine
And then I'll persuade her to be mine.

I'm just a guy with stars in his eyes
And dreams he'll never realize
Like a lot of other blokes I know
Who listen to too much radio.

Of course, I'd like to sleep with Madonna,
Provided, I guess, she'd do me the honour,
'Cos although she's just a Material Girl
She sets my emotions in a whirl,

And don't let's forget cute Chrissie Hynde
(I'd give her a kiss if she didn't mind)
'Cos although I admit I'm an old Pretender
I wouldn't want to go and offend her.

Is there no end to my foolish dreams?
(Fame's not as easy as it seems)
I'll have to settle for something less
And then I'll find true happiness! !