A Bridge O'er Troubled Housing Blight Poem by matthew harris

the following communiqué birthed courtesy midwife viz Google,
appended for eyes of residential management, who might help map
our way onto positive destiny - so don't coon sitter this gibberish pap,
intent to broadcast poetic plea per parti-colored newsletter
sew we zipper up suitcases and snap
up long-term accommodation, now pass thru the cyber net flitter
for your sought after assistance - as means to air personal home life travail
thus, this hen dashed off digital squawking missive
from this youthful ova the hill chap.
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ah...dem whar da good ole days, when chased
by prospective missus cluck
(waving iron skillet - what the f..k
sought 2 cap cha this hen) , now we happen 2b down on our ill luck
with barely any money, our circumstances appear stuck.
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truth be told, we ne'er got any monetary windfall
nyat, none, n nada endowment from that rich Uncle Sam -
asia last-ditch effort, a manger horse stall might be our abode n nay bore -
unless weak n pony up...selling offal? ? ?
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thee crisis of legal tender, thus finds fingers flying across
QWERTY keyboard with message upon Lenovo external screen i emboss
typing SOS to communicate pennilessness plight, which loess
on par with ma penury and dirt poor status - where hide feign to be moss
heart reincarnated, though unsure if that faux role would be a toss
up, and bring a happy good luck penny-wise outcome sans place to live.
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asthma non-sequitur linkedin with jar jar binks, we iz crammed asper in like
Bing bottled up in lower merion fugetaboutit rent tis rather steep,
we chose this residence so youngest darling thee 17 year old daughter,
(who subsequently decided to live with
mine sweeping damn the torpedoes younger sister dwelling in Bend, Oregon) ,
while eldest matriculating as sophomore at The University of Pennsylvania.
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long story short - cuz unabridged version would resort
into infinite space/time continuum beyond,
with silent sonic boom solace from words
echoing sounds of silence viz this ethereal bulletin,
and would drive one to down a quart
of the strongest ale, gasoline, stout or port.
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no time to watch Wallace and Gromit, who claimed moon iz made out of cheese,
or mice elf to be cagy, nor monkey around
though with focused energy loosed n doth bound
this wordsmith, i.e., a zoological muggle self crowned
aspires to avail Avast goody bag proffered
this shout out for good n plenti Samaritan - Indeed hoop fully redound
while corporeal of mine essence earthbound - bar ring a place for us tubby found
before lease at xyz w*** r******* avenue,
Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania expires, AND WILL NOT BE RENEWED
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then i will be prone to live under ground
or maybe share a doghouse with a beagle, boxer bred gray hound
which dome main recognizable by a little mound
while macabre music set to the words of Ezra Pound
with slow crescendo to suspenseful sound
counterbalanced when relief of amenable accommodations
inducing me to issue a mighty exhalation of tension un wound.
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an average sized house to rent would do the trick
strong n sturdy habitat, nah nothing exceptionally slick
oh, and spouse also hopes to acquire social security quick
no matter the odds to locate an affordable
one or two bedroom square flat, or even a unit shaped like an obelisk
analogous to the 2001 space odyssey iconic rectilinear tall block really slick
might be slim pick
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kin - all rhyme aside - finagling words gives me a kick
starter, I NEED/WANT A SAFE n SECURE PLACE -
where methinks living quarters can be icon class hick
and freely type out this, that, or another rhyming lick
whence literary product analogously strong as stone and/or brick.
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genuine appreciation...communication, and elation will likely ascend
hash tagging thee as unsung fur vent underdog hero
on par with opera staring voicing sotto voce beneficence,
invoking me to do calisthenics backward
as if made from papier-mache origami pliable to bend
wonders if this electronic effort will ease anxiety that doth expend
and zap willpower ambition to sustain optimism, and...well...
ya could beak comb an instant karma omg -
spontaneous sought after friend
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this amiable chap recognizing salvation
qua re: as goddess or godsend
to perform property caretaker tasks these strong hands lend
mechanical appliances, that requires attention to mend
if necessary provide financial compensation deep pend
Mutual (of Omaha - and th ghost of Carl Perkins)
agreeable contractual obligation will rend
er vis a vis zit heady costs to spend
so peace of body, mind n spirit, this husband n wife can tend.
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since all gold plated suburban grates available they went
like hot cakes, nor premium heavy metal city vent
left, this scrivener would hate 2b camped in an uber tent
which would frankly zap pa my health n force measly money
on bare necessities to stay safe strunk n
white elements of style, wood beg to be spent
thus this chap wonders if maintenance tasks acceptable
in lieu of skipping part of thee rent
admits to quality as a mild mannered married civil gent
though lacking an earned income
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(social security disability panic attacks in tandem with anxiety -
mitigated with pharmacological medication)
day dream rich folks galore could stage fund raising event
which rally round the flag boys - may invite juiced a dent
aye dune hot own even one red cent
where bad company tempts
who doth recapitulate and be clan da stein
amidst/ amongst village people, when limbs numb n bent
turn attention to superman, maxwell, batman,
or....another dub bull agent.
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COMB H - E - L - P - - before the stroke o' mid knight of 30 June
SPRING TWO THOUSAND AND SEVENTEEN
WE GOT TO MOVE ASAP,
PER MINE KING DUMB COMB
AND HIS ROOKY of a mercurial QUEEN.
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Postscript: that tis the news from lake woebegone
where this papa iz quick with a double entendre and/or pun
sometimes even bring a guffaw to thee momma - hun
when either one or more offspring
bid fare thee well when parenting done.