A Life I Could Not Save Poem by Richard Lackman

She did not feel her age though she was old
But still looked young as she was often told
And so she was a vibrant 95
Happy to be healthy and alive

And yet this cancer slowly had appeared
A diagnosis worse than she had feared
A stark intrusion in a peaceful life
Now filled with fear, uncertainty and strife

I truly understood her fragile state
And yet could not abandon her to fate
So radiation seemed the treatment choice
As I spoke with an optimistic voice

Regrettably this gave her no relief
And so her pain improvement was but brief
I tried my best to help her understand
Treatments that her age might not withstand

So we embarked upon an operation
Strong in our resolve, not desperation
Hoping to alleviate her plight
Hoping that our chosen path was right

We planned each detail, each step we would take
And all of the dissection we would make
Our anesthesia colleagues also knew
That potential complications might ensue

So here we were combined in our intent
Knowing what success or failure meant
But willing to attempt this for her sake
As this procedure we did undertake

The surgery initially went well
But then quickly her blood pressure fell
And despite our efforts to restore her breath
All had to finally accept her death

So what to make of this, did we do wrong
Should we have let her suffering prolong
Could we ignore her misery and pain
How could we know our efforts were in vain

Her sudden death of course was unexpected
And certainly we all felt quite dejected
We did our best to help this woman through
But could not change events that would ensue

I've thought about this patient many times
Wondering if I had missed the signs
That would have clearly pushed me to pursue
A different course than what we chose to do

As I experience doubt and regret
I move on with my daily life and yet
My memories of this woman linger on
Never from my recollection gone

This is a burden I agreed to bear
A knowing part of what it is to care
And so I take these memories to my grave
Concerning those whose lives I could not save