A Modern Response To “his Coy Mistress” Poem by Richard Noggin

So you say you would love me
Till the end of time
Sit down and admirer me
If it were not a crime
You say that you drive by
My house night after night
Waiting for me to turn on
My bedroom light
That your love for me
Would last for years.
That the thought of my love
Makes your eyes swell with tears.
That my size and shape
Is what you most adore
That your imagination
Keeps you wanting me more.
You say that time is coming
To a close
Hurry up, come on
Take off your clothes.
That to die a virgin
Is not a sin.
But would make you a laughing stock
Among all your friends
That your life would feel
Totally incomplete
If we did not roll
Around in your back seat
My response to you is
Grow up you pathetic worm.
My answer is NO and
That is firm.
Your lust for me
Is nothing more
Then pride and selfishness
To the core
So take me home
You stupid jerk.
Your sophomoric clamor
Just did NOT work.