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My pal, Jake, majored in corruption. His final exam: a girl from the Midwest,
three weeks to dismantle eighteen years of good parenting. High results came early
in the easy days, with the principal taking his puff from the honor role in the bathroom.
In gym we learned how to turn our backs on the world at once; the team
elected me captain of varsity nosebleeds. At the prom, we parked our limousine
before doing the mandatory wind sprints; my date's eyes were big, hazel dictionaries.
At our homecoming Jake injected the clouds with a hero's last breath; rain on the victory parade
was greeted with cheers. The years rushed by with their tongues hanging out. We packed
our cages and invented course work overseas. In Guatemala, we copied back pain
for a hundred milligrams of extra credit and proudly parachuted into sleep. In Prague
we emptied our text books and guzzled chapters of Bohemian history. The class
kept shrinking until it was just me, passing all the social tests. I returned to America
fluent in disaster; all the smiles I looked at collapsed. I walked my pneumonia
up Avenue A, where inconspicuous teachers assigned telepathic equations. My pupils
leapt from dilated chalkboards; a hundred consecutive nights of slow, dirty arithmetic
curdled inside of me. Graduation is an impossibility. Ditto expulsión.
I am permanently unrolled in the rambling Lectures of insomnia. Wake in the lab
with my back against the wall. Turn: the wall turns on me. I am the mutual friend
of enemy foxholes. It's like bowling for hostages: exactly beyond my periphery.
Jeffrey McDaniel
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