Double A P SS

Rookie (Los Angeles, California)

And Then I Glanced

I walked for minutes
When I parked the car
And then entered the bar
I stayed there in that atmosphere
Of fear
For hours without regret
Because she walked in
Soaking wet
From the rain the weather man
Said would fall
In that cold night

Drinking liquor and thinking of what to say
I lost track of the liquid in me
And of the time
She was just sitting there
And then I glanced
In the opportune
When she too
Stared in my direction

She smiled and brushed her hair
So then I walked towards her
But stumbled down
And almost fell three times
On my way
She was happy to help me out of the bar
She knew I was out of my mind
We walked for minutes
Back to the parking lot
She offered to take me home

The night still pouring down tears
Makes it hard to remember what we spoke
My drunken mouth must have blabbered for hours on end
About the life of misery ahead
About the absence of love in my heart
And then I glanced
In the inopportune
When she too
Stared in my direction

That is when we fell off the cliff
Dear officer
Will she be okay?

Submitted: Saturday, September 03, 2011
Edited: Tuesday, February 28, 2012

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  • Rookie - 0 Points Brian Purdy (2/26/2012 11:58:00 PM)

    The poem is a fine one. A suggestion for line seven of the 2nd stanza: ' a moment which was opportune...' This form or another might also be used in stanza 3, where the same word, 'opportune' occurs. Finally, third last line of the poem, '...we fell off the cliff...'. Hope these points are useful. - Bep (Report) Reply

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