Broken Hope Poem by courtney metcalf

These things I cannot say
I write them all away
If I spoke them out loud
You'd get mad, tell me not to stay
So most of what I write
I erase after I read it twice
To remind myself I'm still here after the lonely night
My child is going to want a father
The waters getting hotter
I'm going to keep getting burned and expected not to holler
I'm not about the drama
My feelings are staying hurt
You keep on choosing her
I feel like I have no worth
Maybe I should run away
But so much is going on that
I'm scared to change
You say you'll do better and still do the same thing
Apologies are weak
Show me your sympathy
Really do what you say
Stop trying to lie and sneak
Car has been repoed cause you took my check
Then you shame me in front of your friends
Don't want to embarrass you, and you're not about to tell them
Taking all the backlash
Even from my own half
Say I should move on
But being pregnant by yourself is a different kind of alone
So I'm staying strong
So that my baby will be healthy
Trying to ignore all the stress to save our baby in my belly
Life is really hard
I had to quit my job
Because of threats you made and now your friends think of me as only the trashy picture you've displayed
It's how you painted the picture
You really manipulate
Everything goes your way and if not you edit til it pictualates
Now I have no way to go and get a job, everything within walking distance at least a few miles, several city blocks
It's winter and I'm pregnant and got no where else to go
So I have to put up with all this
I have no say so
I have to take the problems and chase them with the pain
I have to ignore them like they never even came
This isn't love this is a game
As much as I hate to play
I gotta act like we're good until I can runaway