Burn And Sting Poem by Kenji McCollum

I know there is something wrong with me,
How I want my skin to sting and burn,
That sometimes all I want to feel is pain,
How my heart hurts,
It aches,
And it seems the only way to make it stop,
Is to reach it with a knife,
I'm better now,
more resistance,
I used to be much worse,
I used to try to reach that pain in my heart,
I used to suffer more,
Everyday I felt as if I was underwater,
Drowning in a deep dark sea,
My mind was gray,
No matter what I did no one seemed to notice,
I wanted to remove myself,
Take myself out of the story,
But I couldn't,
I could always come with a reason to stay,
A reason I needed to stay a little longer,
or,
I couldn't make myself do it,
I was weak,
But I'm glad I was weak,
Otherwise I wouldn't know,
That its not my fault,
I wouldn't know,
My life gets better,
I wouldn't know,
the truth behind all those excuses I kept making,
for my mother.