Candlelit Memoirs- A Dreamers Nightmare Poem by Dani Miller

Knees pulled up to my chin,
And my eyes are blood-red.
I don't want to look like this,
But I wish I had a choice.
Sometimes I want to disappear,
And let everyone be better off without me.

My body violently shaking,
And my heart literally shattering
Into little glass shards that
You only use to cut yourself with.
Ive stood there through everything.
Even when you've pushed me away.

And in this place we call home,
There is never anything good.
Confusion...Anger...screaming,
Or maybe I just heard that in my head.
Either way it can never be perfect,
No matter how badly you try to make it that way.

As I watch the dancing candle flame,
I think of the little things it brings...
The flam brightening and tearing through darkness,
Flickering and dimming slowly as time goes by...
And how one blow of air could throw
Me into complete and frightening darkness.

Is that how you think of this life?
You are active and have everything...
So many people who love you; though you dont know it.
Then you sink into black abyss...
And you think one easy blow could
Throw you out of your new-found misery.

I know my thoughts are chopped up,
And I dont know what Im writing
because Im worried about you right now.
And as far as I know; always will be.

You always resort back to the blade.
Does it help you?
Its not like you'll give me an answer anyway.
So once again, the silence screams the answer
That Ive been waiting for all along.

So I blow out these flickering candles,
One by one...watch the smoke swirl through the air.
Then as fast as I was saved from it...
Im thrown into the frightening darkness.

Written January 25th,2007