Confessions Of A Failed Student Poem by SUVANKAR SEN

I TRIED HARD,
BELIVE IT OR NOT,
I STUDIED A LOT,
THIS TIME DID NOT ROT,
BUT I FAILED.
AND THAT TOO MISERABLY.
NOW I AM ALONE,
VERY ALONE,
NO SHOULDER TO LEAN ON,
NO ONE TO HOLD ON.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE,
HOW COULD IT HAPPEN?
HOW DID I, THE TOPPER,
HAS MARKS SO BARREN?
MATHS, SIXTY-FIVE,
CHEMISTRY, FIFTY-TWO,
PHYSICS, FORTY-EIGHT,
NOW WHAT COULD I DO?
COMPUTER Sc. FAILED ME,
ALWAYS IT WAS A TRAITOR,
PROMISING A GOOD SCORE,
IT WAS ALWAYS A NIGHTMARE.
ENGLISH, JUST FORGET IT,
ONCE I LOVED IT,
I DON'T KNOW HOW, OR WHY,
ONCE I RECEIVED ‘IT',
EVRYTHING WAS A ‘WHY? '.
‘IT' IS MY RESULT,
MY OWN DEATH WARRANT,
SHOWING A WHITE FACE,
TO MY INNER TORMENT.
MY MOTHER SIMPLY FAINTED,
MY FATHER IN SHOCK,
I, MYSELF FELT DEFLATED, FOR
THERE WAS NO POWER IN MY STOCK.
I TOOK ‘IT',
AND TORE IT TO BITS,
BUT THE MARKS,
THEY WERE ETCHED ON MY MIND,
I TRIED TO THINK IT WAS A DREAM,
AN ILLUSION OF MY MIND.
A TIGHT SLAP!
WOKE ME FROM MY DELIRIUM,
IT WAS MY FATHER,
WHO HAD A LOOK VERY STERN.
WHAT HAD I DONE?
HOW DID I DO?
WHY DID I DO?
THEY PROBED ME,
I REMAINED MUTE,
FOR I KNEW NOT,
WHAT TO SAY BACK.
I SPOKE, STILL,
THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE,
WHEN SLAP! ANOTHER ONE,
MOTHER PUT ON MY FACE.
WHAT FACE SHALL YOU SHOW NOW,
BOY?
WHY DID YOU TAKE YOUR STUDIES AS A
TOY?
RELATIVES, WHAT WILL THEY THINK,
GET LOST FROM THIS HOUSE,
YOU STINK! YOUR THOUGHTS STINK!
VERY SLOWLY,
HEAD BOWED, LOWLY,
THINKING MYSELF UNHOLY,
I STEPPED OUT,
MY FEET WORKING OF THEIR OWN ACCORD,
MY LIFE WAS SOUNDLESS
IT MISSED A CHORD,
TO STAY IN THIS WORLD,
I COULD NO LONGER AFFORD.
HANGING FROM THE CEILING FAN,
BY A SERPENT-LIKE ROPE,
I JUST WISH MY LIFE WOULD END,
DEATH BEING MY ONLY HOPE.
MY EYES DRIFT TOWARDA THE SHELF,
WHERE NUMEROUS TROPHIES ARE HELD,
BEARING TESTIMONY, TO A BRIGHT STUDENT,
WHO HAD NOW FAILED.
MY EYES SWIM WITH TEARS,
FOR I WILL MISS MY BOOKS,
FOR THEY WERE MY SOULMATES,
WITH THEIR DULL, PLAIN LOOKS.
MY VISION DARKENS SLOWLY NOW,
I FEEL NOW, IT'S TIME TO GO,
DEATH EMBARKS ON ME,
EVERUTHING IS BLACK NOW,
NOTHING FOR ME TO SEE.
A TEAR ESCAPES FROM MY EYES,
AS THE DOOR OPENS,
RUSHES IN MY MOTHER,
AND FATHER,
FEAR IN THEIR EYES.
BUT NOW I AM DEAD,
AS THICK AS A LEAD,
I CAN FEEL IT NOW,
DYING HAD BEEN A FOLLY,
IT DIDN'T MAKE ME JOLLY,
I DID SINK VERY LOW.
OH! HOW DEARLY WILL I MISS THEM,
MY LOVELY MOTHER AND FATHER!
I CUT THEIR JOYA, SORROWS,
AS CUTS DEFTLY A BUTCHER.
NOW I AM FREE,
FREE TO PONDER,
IF MY DOING WAS RIGHT,
BUT EVERYTIME, I HIT A DEAD END,
GIVING ME NO DELIGHT.
AT LAST, I CAME TO A CONCLUSION
THAT DYING HAD BEEN NOT FRUITION,
BUT NOW I CAN JUST REPENT,
THESE ARE THE ‘CONFESSIONS OF A FAILED STUDENT'.