Deception In Perception Poem by Andrus Cassian

Deception in perception
can you see it, the deception in perception
for what may be real to some
will never be visible to others
so can sane and insanity be reliable labels
can crazy or normal be viable claims
I guess there's still research to be done
Oh I forgot how to pause
pause and wait to spring this notion slowly
or has it clearly just slipped my mind
I guess only to me
Through tired eyes I write this
for I believe in this
for I write this in case someone else can relate
I am awake
I am awake, that much I know is true
but the way I stare into the mirror
the way I appear in the mirror
I feel fake, I seem fake
I take a look and I smile
I take a look and I smile a smile so bright
like once before
like somewhere in this deep reflection
somewhere deep in this reflection
I can locate all the precious memories
where I relay the same smile
for the good times, for the great times, for fun was me
for fun was all I lived for
So what do I live for now
has it changed or has it just been me to evolve
but what have I evolved into
I don't know who I am
In foggy eyes, I pace through my remaining days
I pace through my remaining days in foggy eyes
like a part of me has been stolen from me
like I can't make up for a lack of feeling something is off
Do I need to get lost in something
which gives me great comfort
Wait, haven't I been drowning myself
in tidings of others smiles
Wait, haven't I been dousing myself
in the fire of everything I love
True...so very true
so why am I burying myself alive
in slumber
my faulty hope to get away I suppose
Deception in perception
I don't know who I am
but I know my name
Deception in perception
on the outside, I'm not one for smiles
yet through the mirror I smile for the years I missed
Deception in perception
my insecurities allow me to recite I'm nothing and no one
yet I have my own audience
yet I have my own fans to my fame
the ones who knock some sense into me
the ones who tell me every single day
I'm worth their time
I'm worth the world to them
I'm everything to them
they love me and will never let me fall
Deception in perception
I have believed that waking up in reality
was a constant fright, a steady nightmare
but it's been a dream
a real dream in disguise, half created
the other half has yet to be written, described
Deception in perception
I can't paint, I can't draw
but please pass me the brush
pass me the paint
so I could envision
so I could captivate
the beauty of a world
I have yet to become a star in
Deception in perception
I am just a lone wolf, a loner
I always like to do things on my own
but I have joined a pack
who would see me safe, who would see me happy
who would never let me go
Deception in perception
I have said I would never go home again
my home has been stolen from me
but maybe I've already been home
in the arms of my audience
in the arms of my fans
in the arms of the people who hold me close
Deception in perception...