Did I Ever Matter? Poem by chelsi Ruffing

I try to clime the ladder
I wonder did I ever matter
I have so many fears
Cried way to many tears
My life was like hell
The things I saw I cant even tell
I have a very cold heart
only because its been ripped apart
I have caused self harm
I have more cuts on my arm
can't help but to be so shy
i hide that I cry or at least i try
my dreams are no more
I never can open that door
I keep my fears locked away
with a key so i wont say
people play me wiht me like I am a doll
so they can watch me fall
I lost so much so fast
and I know it will never be the last
i have a hard time saying i love you
cause i never know if they willsay it to
i cant just give up though
so instead i put on a show