Elusive Poem by Maya Hanson

Can I choose what to keep
and what to lose and what to hide
Can I push back the river
so you can cross the bridge I can't hold

You can be the revolution I almost fight
You can be the promise
you forgot to remember,
the lines I'm always waiting in without falling
I've found forgetting to be easier

I've found three chords in the wind and still
I can't find my voice in the wild summer
It's elusive like storms in your gulf shore eyes,
like the colors on my gray pages,
like the laugh you left on my doorstep…
just something you forgot to tear from my grip
when you walked out the door

I would say you're darkness
but that would be a lie
You're not the absence of light,
you're the absence of change
as I clasp my fingers tighter to any fire I can find
that singes off memories of you
as I bite my tongue in this tunnel I keep trespassing
and try to hold them still

I'm waiting for when this starts to feel like family
But I swallowed three sunsets
and you're still not back

So the sunsets burn in my throat,
tease my lungs as they go down laughing
So the sunsets tell me the tales I already know
mistakes and giving up and moving on
But if I have to let go of something
can I choose what to lose