It is so hard to live with the PTSD
For it smothers down all I could be
They say too, it is complex
And my reaction on it a reflex
Unbearable pain, losing time
All hours without any sunshine
Totally gone, I am no longer there
Crumbling the possibility to share
It is driving me nuts, totally insane
Confusion, memory not the same
Intensely struggling to stay aware
PTSD dementia, in nothingness I stare
It has been so cruelly hard
As bad as it was at the start
After more than a year PTSD
Still losing more and more of me
So, where is that one way out
For that is what my struggle is about
Until now, no pill to help me real
Burning flames are what I still feel
And then, dropping in deepest despair
Followed by depression, so unfair
Finally the extinguish of the fire
Till empty death is my only desire
Oh, how I wish I could explain
why I cannot be the same
I know, they miss who I was
And for them my PTSD is the loss
I can not change it and give back
All of me they need and lack
For I am what I am just now
Searching too, finding me somehow
Lord knows how lonely I feel
Without a way to really heal
And be what they want me to be
For I am gone, there is no me
March 12th,2014
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem