Hiding Place... Poem by Betty Jo Hilger

He sits staring through me, as though I don’t exist,
pain emanating from his splintered soul
From his sweetly formed face, despairing eyes reflect,
fearful cowering alarm in his heart

Rejecting the world and all who could hurt again,
he’s built a wall from sore isolation
Shaping a room, a private padded shelter,
projecting a deceptive vacancy

Huddled scared, he has scaled the mountainous terrain,
and taken refuge, in rocks of despair
Hidden, I cannot reach him
He is alone

Terrified, I search the skies for answered pleas,
struggling through tears flooding my courage
Feeling his agony, his loneliness, and fear,
I flinch from what my baby has endured

If only I could go back and reverse the time,
to take his place, his part, his pain,
I would

Instead, I chase his tortured soul, offering my love.
Yearning to wrap him in my arms at night
I cry to the heavens to part the clouds of gloom,
which have covered his hope with misery

Stumbling on rocks, and the boulders strewn in his path,
My knees are torn as I fall here in prayer
I cannot falter,
I will not give up my faith
I’ll pound on the doors to his heart again,
until my strength has faded, and my breathing stops

I will climb through the mist, repeatedly.
My soul knows his hiding place, and though he may run,
I have faith I will reach him and hold him
One day

And his eyes will see my heart and feel my anguish,
and my baby will no longer be alone
Safely, light will release him
He will be free

**excerpt from 'Living in Chaos Survival: A Parenting Journey...' **Published through LuluPress 2004