Hold Hell High Poem by Katerina Val

I'm sick
for I have a feeling inside I didn't need to feel
and lately I have been to places I've never been
saw and killed things I didn't have to steal
your thoughts made of steel
and my agony made of what resists
from me

I saw and fell for things I never really had to be
yesterday
and the other day
closed in cage built of my perfect piece
because I could never give the whole me
I could never see the perfect image of what I should be
I broke the mirror and breathed insanity

Delve into my old traumas with cold hands
for you should offer me some company
even if I can't really respond or feel
and laugh with all your heart ‘cause you did it once again
you pushed me one step closer to death
you failed to chafe what was frozen in the end

I'll start from the end
it's better crying in hell
than dying in heaven and painting frozen breaths
in a wall covered of our agonizing feel to yell

Even if I still have things to tell
I prefer a hundred times burning my thoughts in that hell
I have to hide once again
I prefer all those sick things
rather than giving all my pain in one stranger's hands
his hands are cold, his agony adds bricks in that haunted wall
don't stay so close to me
because, about all these times I fell
you should have let me go straight back to that hell

At least I had my private place to enjoy the things that fell
now I'm crying in heaven
grant me the last love spell
and hate the fact that you can't admit this to yourself
it never worked on me
I'll laugh and yell
‘cause you failed again

Retreat?
That is all you used to be?
and still asking things of me?
I'll give you the last yelling
hug it with your cold hands
and say
"friend, thank you for
showing me that road
to find relief though hell
that has to be one good damn end"