Honesty Poem by Kitty Marie Lucas

A salivary nightmare should never fall from my lips;
I cut myself down so I can't go that far,
And will never describe how it comes down to this...
I carve the lack of myself into an existential scar.
A chance missed
Or a calculated risk,
It's easy to choose when I'm just the sum of my parts.

I obliterate any sense of self I'd constructed.
It isn't a lack of desire,
It's an excess of,
To participate in the society my mind has obstructed...
And it's insurmountable in my lack of self-love.
'It won't kill you to get hurt, '
When I barely have enough,
'Don't feel sorry for yourself! '
And
'Just be tough.'

You aren't saying anything that I haven't screamed at myself.
I still get beaten every day by my personal hell.

I made a resolution in the mouth of madness
So no one could call me insane;
A promise to never let myself out of the cage
Unless to seek the harrowing sting of a temporary blade.

I keep trying to yell
When I can't make a sound,
I've been shadowboxing
But there's no one around.
Deconstructing all this nothingness, I'm building an empire
That can destroy the entire
Idea of my
Self

...Keep digging
Until I find something to cling to,
Keep digging until I find my self-worth,
Keep digging until nothing is left
....Until I find it;
I won't find it...
I can only tell myself all my worst.

There's only one way to bring on the silence...
Well, two ways,
But I swore off the first.

I can't hear anyone's voice over my own
And to hear it at all is a curse.