How Much Longer Can I Go On Poem by kate Emma

Since the age of 9 I look in the mirror
And hated every single part of me
Never being happy with an ounce of myself
Feeling disgusted with every single part of me I see

From the age of 10 my birthday wish is always
‘please can I be pretty and change who I am’
I so desperately wanting this to come true
It never does, I just don’t understand

From the age of 14 these were my first thoughts
About how much I wish I could die
These thoughts have never gone away
Everyday they grow stronger inside

At the age of 16 every morning and night
I pray I would never ever be able to wake
Every morning since then the first thing that I think
‘I’m alive damn it for gods sake’

8 years of my life were always spent
Running, hiding, scared and terrified
Being pushed, being kicked, being punched over again
Never knowing if I will make it out a live

For 21 years I’ve felt this way
I don’t know how to be happy and smile
From such a young age
I have never felt like I am worthwhile

I try so hard to fit in
But nothing I do ever works
For as long as I can remember
I’ve been lonely filled with sadness and hurt

There always has been something missing
Forever feeling unbearable loneliness ‘I feel so alone’
Everyday waking up feeling like this
My whole life I have been and will be on my own

All I’ve ever felt in my 201years of life is so much
Hurt, upset, despair, pain, loneliness and misery
So lost, so empty like there’s something missing
Always wanting to be invisible, wishing I could disappear

Im so desperate to feel just the slightest
Smile, happiness or joy
How much longer will I have to feel like this
I cant battle this never ending war