kira kira

(march 10 1995 / jonesboro)

hurt


i cry at night,
I die inside because of you, ,
i wake with a fear to sleep and dream,
I try to fight what i hold inside, Im really depressed and its hard to hide.
I still get chills when I think of you.
Will I ever get over you?
will i ever forget you?
I feel dead tonight.
Sometimes I just want to die.
Wish I was invisible, more than I already am.
I want to survive this dreadful life.
But I don't know how,
I can't let go
I try everyday to convince myself that
It doesn't matter and who cares blah blah blah.
But the memory remains,
It still hasn't left me.
I'm sick of being afraid,
Im Sick of feeling self pity,
Im sick of the world and everyone in it.
Wish they'd just let me be.
I'm so tired of hurting.

Submitted: Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Edited: Saturday, May 24, 2014
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Topic(s): hope


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Hurt is about what my Step grandfather did to me when i was little. i have nightmares about him all the time. even now years later. I wanted to forget i didn't want to feel the pain anymore. i can still feel his hands all over me. and because of what he did i have a hard time trusting people especially family members. it has been easier. ill never forget and always have trust issues but i know how to deal with it now. The nightmares come every once
in a while. those are probably the hardest nights. other than that i don't think about him all the time and i think its just made me a stronger person. My problem when i wrote this poem was that i let that memory overcome me. i let my life be controlled by it and the self
pity drove me to get myself in a
lot of situations like that one. I kept doing it too cuz i didn't learn the first time or the second so i eventually stopped caring about what happened to me. so things kept happening and i stopped feeling.

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