I Will Not Wake Poem by A.J. McKinley

I will close my eyes to wake within my nightmare.
It is the inevitable fate that is called my destiny.
I will sleep and they will rob me of my consciousness.
They will rob me of my precious control.
I will be helpless, as I am helpless right now.
I weep wondering what will happen if I do not wake.
Will it break my precious children?
Will anyone mourn my passing?
What is the legacy I will leave behind?
Will they only remember the nightmares?
Will anyone see me, just once, as I am?
I sit, alone, in the quiet of the dark night.
Alone, undefended, when I want simply to be held.
I yearn for someone to lie to me and tell me all will be fine.
Give me an illusion I can hold onto.
Give me something that is tangible that I can't break.
Take the crumbling shards of my heart and mend them.
I don't care if the mends are jagged or ugly.
The beauty lies in the mending.
It is the trust of a broken soul given to another.
It is the burden of the damned I bear.
It is in silence that I scream.
It is in laughter that I mourn.
It is in my soul to live.
And it is my fate to transcend.
I will close my eyes…
And I will not wake.

Copyright 2006 A.J. McKinley