I Wished That You Were A Real Person Again Poem by Ivy Beam

I wished that you were a real person again.
Smiling, laughing and making fun of yourself.
Now I see a stiff-lined smile, that never precedes a laugh.

Your eyes look so watery when they see me.
I wish it wasn’t this way. I didn’t mean to hurt you
And I wish you had chosen to stay.

I’m just worried that you’ll be
What you really don’t want to be..
I frown because I know you will not be happy.
Not like you once were.
When your gut tries to say something to you,
You will smother and silence it, like you smothered
And silenced the inconvenient people of your life.
Your father, your lover, your confidante.
You’re a little girl lost, a face framed by flowing hair
And concealing giggles.
I just want to tell you that you don’t have to giggle all of the time.
I bet now that you giggle none of the time.
I hate that he made you bitter.
I hate that I made that I made you bitter forever.
Forgiveness is not a foreign concept to you.
You analytical brain could pick this concept apart and
Form new theories from its remains.
But you cannot practice what you so easily understand.
I would be happy if you would smother your pride instead
Of your gut.
I would be happy if you would talk with me.
I would not be happy for my own sake,
I would be happy that you had truly changed.
I would be happy for you.
Because that’s what best friends do;
they are happy-happy for you.