Insignificance Poem by Robert Ronnow

Late in life I struggle against my insignificance
When I should enjoy the freedom from performance
      before an audience.
Applause is happiness but if they withhold applause,
      embarrassment.
When Da Liu put me to work crunching hexagrams and
      spreadsheet numerology
Instead of ghost writing his books about T'ai Chi for
      longevity
I was humiliated but freed. No need to interpret
The Chinese master's wisdom or endure his disapproval.
All this happened in an apartment on 110th St. when I
      lived on 111th.
I wonder if Da Liu lived to 100 like he predicted. Pop
      Pop
Didn't make it. So be it. Ken got me that job, old friend
      Ken
Who goes back all the way past high school to
      Thompson Junior High.
Tomorrow we're eating pizza together in Troy.
We'll remember Da Liu and also the painter and sculptor
      who had a room
In our apartment on 111th and a dog so intelligent it
      could walk off the leash
On the crowded streets of New York without an
      altercation, and Zach Sklar
Of course, journalist, communist and jazz afficionado
Who listened to Jo Jones and Paul Quinichette, Count
      Basie's men,
Often as possible at the West End.
Back then I was playing the streets for quarters, not
      much more
Than that sculptor's dog, the sculptor's name I wanna
      say
Was Mike Johnson and he was a man of few words and
      many women.
We had a major cockroach problem in that apartment
      on 111th St.
And I also remember the ceiling leaked in Ken's room
      and he
Did battle against the landlord, helped form a tenant's
      association.
We were young and blind as newborn mice, puppies or
      roaches
We went to our daily disciplines like children of paradise
      or Da Liu who was already old.

When we meet for pizza and talk it will be hard to hear
      now that I'm deaf
In one ear. Ken, whose name means knowledge, has
      trouble seeing faces.
To want to be famous is a silly goal for a man almost old
      as Da Liu.
Not the right motivation. Much better to look slowly,
      labor
For the success and happiness of others.
I'm still avoiding the deeper question. Which is what?
      Cultivate
An acceptance of nature (including the biomass in the
      crosswalks)
And know the names of all the grasses. Much to learn
      about molecules,
Still trying to make sense on the trumpet. What's Ken
      doing lately?
He's retired from teaching. Is he spending his time
      reading?
So today I ordered Da Liu's books, maybe the ones I
      worked on,
Because they offer assistance to others for further living.
Service to others, that's the key, or conversely,
I pleasure in and treasure my insignificance, the autumn I
Realized my insignificance, it ought to be a great comfort
To be so insignificant, being knowledgeable is the best
      defense against
Your insignificance, it does not put me in mind of the
      species' insignificance,
Exiled or sidelined to an insignificant role, a valued
Member of our community or so insignificant no one
      notices
Or cares, insignificant and mighty happenings
Seem the same from my vantage aging gratefully,
      inexorably,
A way to learn your insignificance, freedom to have
      never been.