Jaccuzi Lodge Poem by Nassy Fesharaki

Jacuzzi lodge

If you say: "Crazy, "
I accept willingly
And agree childishly.

All alone with myself
Am part of nothingness!

After years of searching
Am sure that know nothing.

You were not with me when
I joined the Dervishes
And went to Khaneqah,
There, with them, I sang song.

They nodded and shook heads
Until losing breath,
Some collapsed, conscious.

Was great to be there
But I, could not ever
Be devoted member.

Think of it, remember
And in me a thunder
Strikes, dismembers.

Feel as if am rooster
My head cut, on shoulder.

Close eye of my mind
And try to forget…

I climb the cliffs,
I copy and mimic
The active Kurdish boys
That dive in Dalahoo.

Full of gas, with claims
I accept and confess:
"What I got, I deserve,
Hurt myself, hit bottom,
Blood runs everywhere! "

They knew rise and fall
Could land and could fly
But not me, not at all!

Trying to forget
In Russia, I settle.

Now, a guest to Sergei,
I end in gas chamber.

The stones are heated
Like the ancient fire
That we had in bazaar.

Then, I worked as a child,
Had to fill rusted pots,
With the sand and water,
Go inside, dance in them.

In this way the copper
Lost its old rustiness
To allow my master
Take a piece of cotton
Soak it in Ammonia,
And rob it with lead on,
Until shined copper pots.

Sergei goes, sprinkles
On stones, cold water
Till cloud fills the place.

I see Sun in the West
Shivering with fear
Of its death in winter.

Stones are pomegranate
Their red teeth sparkle.

Changed my mind and stage
When I jumped in a river
With freezing water.

I could not see the depths
Of the things as happened
I was guest, not member,
Of the nation, culture.

This makes me feel like wolf
Just released from cage
Of some zoo…lost, wander…

Put my nose into caves,
Want cracks to shelter.

Go to edge of rivers
Love and hate the deserts,
Am alone with myself
And part of nothingness!

Go back to Daichi,
Resettle in Hotel,
Tokyo's, in Japan
Right after Narita.

Then visit the Geisha
In bath that is not mine…

All alone with myself
Am part of nothingness!

Have ended among the
Beloved Indigenous…

With them go to lodges
Smudge and use sages.

The steam takes me to
My friend in Russia.

Sergei's Dad headed the
KGB, and mother
Had been born, also raised
As the girl of Ukraine.

In his hand he held some
Long, green, leaves, bushes
And hit me on my back,
Felt drunk with clouds
That he made, their culture.

Half dead and half alive
Both of us raced to run
To river nearby…

I picture the women
With sweat on breasts
And drops on their butts.

Their job is nudity:
"The image of sweat is sexy, "
The payer takes girls to Jacuzzi.

I compare the sweats
Wondering how nature,
And places, cultures
Can vary and differ!

All alone with myself
Feel part of nothingness!

Easily respect them,
And deeply do love the
Dead, living creatures,
Men, women, children
And sky and mountain
To forests and rivers.

To me are marvellous
In groups and single.

All alone with myself
I am an urn or vase
To the rim with questions:
"Jacuzzi? Sweat Lodge?
Or steam of Russia?
Am I a Nothingness! "