Lagging Behind Poem by Jennifer Sol

Why do I feel as though,
My life has momentarily halted,
And everyone else rushes on by,
Passing me up in their quest,
For truth, love, and justice,
While I am here,
Watching them run ahead,
And I’m jogging slowly,
Lagging behind the pack,
Waiting for something,
And I don’t quite know what.
Still I wait carrying,
All your burdens for you,
Lifting you up gently,
When you fall,
When inside I am longing,
For someone to help me up,
When I crumble,
To carry my burdens,
For me,
To be there when I cry.
But they all think,
I’m doing just fine,
And that I’m in perfect balance,
But that’s where they’re wrong,
I trip and stumble just as much as they,
Possibly even more,
I long to cry like they do,
But no tears come to give me relief.
And then there’s you,
I promised myself I wouldn’t,
Say a single word about you,
But I can’t stop myself,
You’re always there,
Everywhere I turn,
A smiling face that brings,
Tears to my soul,
And when you’re sad,
I long to do anything I can,
But I’m not superman,
And I do what I can,
But it doesn’t seem to help.
And when you talk about her,
I want to run and hide,
But I like talking to you so much,
That I don’t care how much it hurts.
And the tears gather into pools,
Behind my eyes,
Where they lie,
Ready to pounce,
Once I remember how to cry.