Life Style Of My Own Choosing Poem by Niki Nicholas Nkuna

Difficult to lie down or sleep
Or hug somebody
I have all sorts of weapons sticking out of my body
Some hurting me
Some hurting all people close and far from me
I felt like I’m a repellent of some sorts
Couldn’t see people straight
And I couldn’t be seen in true colour

Forever in the course of fighting my weakness
Losing sight of good people and things
My reputation plundered by the things I do
Dangerous weapons shooting out of my body
Innocents and scapegoats hurting equal
Looking back with indifference but with horror to my self
Difficult to do anything with dishonesty

Heading for a disastrous end
A mass of relationships destructions in tow
End of life or stretch of hurt to slow death in sight
Survival would feel like the last escape of the Apartheid gallows
After a heavy loss of all who I am except my soul
I might be lucky to have courageous people around me
Brave enough to dismiss my venom with indifference
And pluck out the hurting weapons
Knock my head with a hammer and let me lick my wounds
In regret and shame
Out in the sunshine I will know that hurting myself and other people
Does not pay, thus I was on a steep slope
Higher up mountain Kilimanjaro and fell short and long down hill
My head smashed on the golden bolder switching off the daylight
I woke up the following day with sunshine on my face
Nothing else but regret and shame for losing some loved ones and friends
At least I would see the rope of rescue in my consciousness
Which I can use to have a second chance in life
With the option of throwing it backward and forward
N Nkuna, April 26,2013