Limerick Intro To A Bunch Of Tom Swifties Poem by Belle Wassermeister

There is something I need to confess:
I have learned quite a bit from Old Wes.
So enjoy each next verse,
some are better, some worse,
the first one, the second, and the res'.

(The first three are credited to Richard Stalker)

"The thermostat is set too high, " said Tom heatedly.
"The chimney is clogged, " said Tom fluently.
"Golly, that old man is bent over." said Tom stupidly.

(The next two by Jonathan M. House)

"I can't quite make up my mind about homosexuality, " said Tom, half in earnest.
"Necrophilia seems fine to me, " said Tom, in dead earnest.

(And these are winners of a Tom Swifty contest in the MINNEAPOLIS TRIBUNE)

"Let's gather up the rope, " Tom said coyly.
"I just ran over my father, " Tom said transparently.
"Don't you love sleeping outdoors? " Tom asked intently.
"Let's invite Greg and Gary, " Tom proposed gregariously.
"I've been stung, " Tom said waspishly.
"Here are my Tom Swifty entries, " Deb wrote submissively.
"I'm circulating a petition, " Anita Bryant said gaily.
"Let's trap that sick bird, " Tom said illegally.
"This boat leaks, " Tom said balefully.
"Welcome to my tomb, " Tom said cryptically.
"I just returned from Japan, " Tom said disorientedly.
"I lost my trousers, " Tom said expansively.
"I'll never stick my fist into the lion's cage again, " Tom said offhandedly.
"I can't find the oranges, " Tom said fruitlessly.
"Are you fond of venison? " Tom asked fawningly.