Lose Consciousness Poem by Margaret Alice Second

A headache used to seem like Divine wrath,
discomfort and pain like a manifestation of
total rejection which called for withdrawal,
but now it is clear this is only chemical
reaction to the food I consume

Once, long ago, I stopped eating, lost the pain
and the desire to live all in one - now I partake
of what is on offer - bless the food, suffer the
consequences in silence, bury my resentment
against an unfeeling world

Not caring that I am pulled into the abyss by
fatigue and depression - wish I could reach
out, find someone holding me tight when I
fall - this has never happened because I
turn away when in pain

Like a wild animal, slink off alone into my own
private space, it's no surprise no-one knows
what's going on, I only confess to people far
away, fearing their eyes, fearing sympathy
and criticism equally

A world of books, theories and dreams, an
inner sanctum - a soap-bubble fantasy in
which I take refuge - once it falls away
also, disappearing into the black hole
in my mind

I have to lose consciousness…