I guess I must be.
I've tried to find it.
But it's not hanging on a wall somewhere.
It's not something you can buy.
Although some think it can be done.
But that would be a small sliver, not the whole pie.
What I believe today, I may not believe tomorrow.
What is keeping me entranced will be a shadow by the end of the week.
I'm still missing this one thing though.
That is a constant at least.
What I'm looking for certainly isn't material.
What I'm looking for is not ivory, or gold.
What I'm looking for seems to elude me.
What I look for other people seem to think they have
But most times I've seen what it is
And it certainly isn't what I want
Perhaps it hides in the cracks.
Maybe the lonely dog drifting along the lamp lit street knew it once.
Then he became a discarded toy and his fur turned because of it.
Perhaps he was happy once, before it used him up.
Most choose to buy themselves happy.
Placing value in tat and trinkets and other kinds of junk.
Identifying status as being behind the wheel of a prestigious car.
What shit that is.
Oh it's all nonsense and it enrages me.
Burns me up that people can lie, time and again
And mostly to themselves.
And none of this puts me
Even an inch closer towards my goal.
Have you been listening closely.
Have you been putting your hand up in school
Or speaking out in meetings.
Or are you too busy making this thing which I seek
Drive you mad.
Too much of it, too little of it.
Seems impossible to get the mixture right.
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