My Red Hat Is Missing Poem by Dave Dunn

I'm looking for my red hat
the one that's trimmed with white
I havent worn it recently
but I'll need it soon at night

You may have seen one like it
adorning some chaps head
but all I've spotted around about
I wouldn't be seen in dead

For if I wore those cheap thin things
my poor bonce would surely freeze
I havent got much hair on top
and it wouldnt do for me to sneeze

For when I'm sneeking round that night
the children must stay aslumber
if any caught me in the act
they'd surely ask me for my number

And one thing I am ever grateful for
is the quiet I get in the new year
when no one comes and bothers me
with complaints or sad eyed tear

'Cause I'm the dropp and run type
and if the gifts don't fit or work
I leave it for the elves to sort
while I enjoy some nice roast pork

No turkey, duck or goose for me
for with them I struck a deal
to let me to fly around the world
unhindered by their zeal

To block all flights for any
that seek to eat their friends
I only transgressed once you know
and it took me years to make amends

So please all keep a look out
for that red hat of mine
the label on the inside
shows the white trim is ermine.....

(c) Rhumour
December 6th 2009