Old Ted Poem by keith brown

Old Ted known as Morton
was introduced too fishing by Harley, his piscatorial friend
Who had the wherewithal, a rod, reel and lures to lend
Well Ted was bitten by the bug, and spent most of his time
Down by riverbank just practising wetting a line.

Teds obsession soon became close to maniacal
And the time was right for him to buy his own, brand new fishing tackle

So he brought a rod about 5 foot long, for fishing from a boat
Another a little longer for fishing with a float
Then one for fishing in the dam or in an estuary
And he just had to have one 15 feet long for
when fishing from beach to the sea
Old Ted found fish where pretty scarce when fishing from the shore
He was pretty certain from a boat he could catch more!
So his next purchase was really one of note
He followed Harleys lead and he brought himself a boat

Now Teds got three rods, three reels, lures, a boat and monofilament line
Then Harley tells him, "braids the way to go this time"
So Ted changes his line to bright fluorescent green
Hoping by the fish that it won't be seen, or maybe it makes it easier to angle
Apparently braid will not too much easily tangle.

Yet still for fish our poor Ted still flounders, Harley suggests he buys one of those
New fangled depth sounders.

So of to BCF Ted goes, a sounder to buy
When he spies a fishing rod that says "fly fishing he should give a try"
Now Ted becomes a bit confused, cause he thought he'd got the lot
When he saw another sign saying buy this crab fishing pot!

Now Teds got rods, reels, lures, a sounder and a boat
crab pots, and mono and braid
But despite all this tackle, a lack of skill
Still Lets the fish our poor Ted evade

Then Harley declares "your doing something wrong
The next time your out Its best I come a long"
" I'll teach you how to think just like a fish, cause that's high on every anglers list"

So Harley and Ted set out to the fishing ground
And the first thing Harley does is - turn Teds sounder around
For the last two days Teds been looking at the sky
Maybe? he should have been using the rod that said fly

Then says Harley
"I think how your rigged I best take a look"
That's when Harley took the plastic from Off of old Teds hook
Still Ted ended up on a pretty good day, and a couple of fish just happened his way

His enthusiasm was now at its peak
He'd take out the boat and go fishing all week


Now Teds boat was one of those folding kind, you put on the roof with the Caravan behind
It's called a Quick Boat, but your best take your time, cause out on the water you don't want too find
The boat has a leak you've not noticed before, or you've left your rods back there out on the shore
Still Its been a good day and Teds got his quota, but it's starting to rain
Thank god for the motor

Back on the shore well Teds boats not so quick
Disassembling seems a whole different trick
But Ted huffs and puffs and does the best he can
Today he's certain he'll be head fisherman

Round the camp fire it's all About fishing, the ones that you caught and the ones that went missing
They had a good day with the fish on the bite, but give us a break don't talk about it all night
Thatplace was great despite the rain,so back in the morning they both go again

When Ted steps from his cab he's quick to define that someone's forgotten their rods and their line
There layingdown there, deep in the clover and some silly buggers run the bloody lot over
So they both walk over hoping to salvage some line
When Ted calls out
"Shit these rods look like mine"
He must have left them in his rush in the rain, the dreaded Morton had yet struck once again.

By this time young Harley is offering lessons, but this has little effect on Teds disposition
Ted said with a sigh " I just can't get the hang of this angling"
then went very quite and just left that quote dangling.
Then he took a big breath and said " I'm selling the boat, I might just keep one
Rod, some lures and a float"
" I've had an offer from John up in Queensland
And I'll take the five grand that he's got in his hand"

So he gave up fishing, sold the boat they called quick causes at catching fish he couldn't win a trick
No matter how much more money he spent the odds did shorten, " I'm taking up bowling "
Said Ted, who we call Morton.