Pepper For Hamlet Poem by Adam Hoagland

(song parody only, to be fitted to the tune of the song 'Pepper.')

Claudius killed his brother,
Gertrude married Claude;
They were hoping Gertie’s husband’s son
Would give the hitch the nod.
Sentries saw the wandering spirit
Of the murdered monarch,
They were all in love with dying,
They were doing it in Denmark.
Laertes got vengeful when his family got the shaft,
Then he ended up a victim to
his toxic handicraft.
They were all in love with dying,
They were playing out their parts
That were spilled out from the doleful pen
Wielded by the Bard.

(Chorus :)
I don’t mind the theater, and
I’ve heard the play’s the thing
That works best to manifest the
Conscience of the king.
Comedy and Tragedy
And biting rhyming lines,
You never know ‘til curtain-fall
Who makes it and who dies.

Some will die from tainted wine
amidst an outright slaughter,
Some will die from tainted minds
and failure to tread water,
Some will be immortalized while playing out their parts
That were spilled out from the doleful pen
Wielded by the Bard.

(Chorus :)

Yorick was a grinner but
he looked a little pale,
No one killed Horatio,
who lived to tell the tale.
Then there was the multiloquent perforated patriarch,
They were all in love with dying,
They were doing it in Denmark,
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Didn’t fair much better,
They were wishing that they’d kept a closer
handle on the letter,
They were all in love with dying,
They were playing out their parts
That were spilled out from the doleful pen
Wielded by the Bard.

(Chorus :)

- ARH 8/17/10

(I recently purchased the original song, by a group whose name may not make it through the page's censor. This came into my head while
listening to it. If you've never heard the original, or if you aren't familier with the characters from Hamlet, then this won't make any sense to you.)