Pondering Thoughts Poem by Veronica T. C.

As I lay my head down to sleep,
These thoughts pop in my head,
That I can't seem to shake.

Sleep is no where in the future,
Hours pass right by without noticing,
As I stare into the abyss of my black ceiling.
Pondering thoughts that I can't seem to answer,

You move closer and closer to me,
While you sleep,
No cuddles just a slow takeover of the bed,

I've been cornered either fall or move,
As I look around you and the dogs are sleeping comfortably,

I guess I'm just in the way,
Am I even enough for you?
You said earlier that I'm holding you back,
You said it in a fit of rage,

Is the support I give not good enough?
You throw it in my face,
That you could be living a better lifestyle,

One that does not involve me,
However I can't grasp why you stay..
Nor come up with an explanation,

You say you love me,
Honestly speaking,
I never see it shown anymore,

A kiss on the cheek or the lips,
When you come in from work,
We don't spend quality time together,

We don't go out and have fun,
When you get home,
I honestly don't see you for hours.

I'm left alone in this big house.
We used to call home.
Well, it doesn't feel like a home at least to me,
Sadly we don't talk like we used too,

We hardly ever laugh like we used too,
When I speak,
I feel like you're hearing me,

But you don't listen,
Making your own version of what I said and throwing it back at me,

As the days go on,
I'm growing tired getting used to being alone, Feelings I once had slipping away,

Becoming a distant memory,
I'm becoming numb as the days go on,
I'm getting closer and closer to the breaking point,

Don't you see it,
I hardly ever speak,
I keep to myself,

Instead of opening up,
I just stay quiet,
I'll continue to take care of the house.

The thoughts are racing through my head,
Coming at me in different forms,
All kinds of emotions racing through my heart and mind,

I see us evolving into our own characters,
Slowly drifting away from one another,
I hope that we can unite once again,

I know you love me to a certain degree,
However, I'm starting to see it..
I'll be lying if I said that I don't see you starting to resent me,

When we argue,
I try not to lash out,
A simple joke was taken the wrong way,

I try and give you space to calm down,
However, we don't seem to fix what is broken between us.
I try to go to you before going to sleep,

So there's no going to bed angry or upset.
Sadly, you just brush me off,
Then left,

Pondering these thoughts silently crying next to you.
We just continue on with our day-to-day task,
Sadly we ignore what is clearly in front of us.

Our daily routine consist as if it nothing even happened,
The night before,
I know it's wearing heavy on both of our hearts.

I can see it in your eyes when I do get a glimpse of them however,
Unlike you,

I don't throw it in my partners face of what my life could've been,
if you weren't around.

Another sleepless night is what I get,
All because the joke was taken the wrong way,
Pondering thoughts,

Silently crying,
Misunderstandings,
Fit of rage,

I hope and pray for a silver lining, and a bright rainbow at the end of the storm.