Reserve Player Poem by Roy William Gotaas

Safer in my dreams:

Waking, close to you, your flesh too solid and unyielding,

I stumble against you and am bruised.



Your indifference to the essence I bared for you

Turned me back into myself and shrank me.

Congealed blood is no worthy offering to any god,

But you wouldn’t take me when I bled hot and pumping for you.



You smiled for me; and for a hundred others.

You laughed with me; at a party where everyone was laughing

And the tears ran back behind my eyes and drowned

The boy who longed only to cling to you for reassurance.



You wrote to me, but only when your lover was otherwise engaged:

I read your message between the lines that tied you to him.

You cooked a meal for me once: because your mother was away

And your father was hungry: easier to feed than be rid of me.

You went to plays with me: but we saw different scenes

And only those you watched were acted.



You let my head rest in your lap once:

But you were driving the car and had no choice really:

I in heaven and you in the car.

For you our journey was on the level:

For me it was up on the outward bound

And downhill all the way home.

'1970'