Shards Of A Soul Poem by Scott Murray

What do you see when you look at me?
Are you fooled by my smiles?
Or do you see horns growing out my head?
Do you cower in fear when I walk through the door?
Or do your hairs still stand up when I touch you once more?
Can you not see the pain and the anguish?
Or do I have to put a noose around my neck before it sinks in?
I want to be pretend that the world is how you see it.
But all I can see is the shadows creeping nearer.
And I am desperately screaming why can't you hear?
My voice is going raw with all this pleading.

When you held me close could you feel me shake?
Could you feel the fear radiating in its place?
There are things you don't know things I have done
And the scars that I bare can't be healed.
I still see it all the fist flying through the air, the smashing glasses, and the screams of despair.
And I tried to block it all out and pretend that it wasn't real

When you were with me did you see what I really was?
I was a shell with nothing inside it.
You keep giving littles pieces of yourself away
Eventually you don't have anything left for yourself
You meet someone who you want to give it all too
And for a brief moment you think that they want it too
But what you really are always creeps in.
And the words that have been said start ringing true
You're worthless you know, why would anyone want you
And the sad part is you know it to be true.
But you give them what you have got and think it might be enough

But everything that is good eventually deserts you
The darkness creeps nearer, eventually it overwhelms you
And you will fight to escape but it will be futile
And how do you make them see that you're in here drowning
Is it easier to turn over in bed and pretend you can't hear me?
Do you not notice the scars because I can see them so clearly?
Do you need a flashing light to be displayed in the sky?
Look at me for Christ sake I am about to break down and cry.
Will it take a grave marker and a host of sad mourners?
How can you seriously not see that something in me is broken?

I can see you on the horizon you're getting so small
And no matter what I do I can't get you to answer my call
I know that you're done and you want me to go away, even if I plead you to stay.
My legs are getting tired the weight is beginning to give weigh
And I can't keep up when you're so far away

What do you feel when you are with me?
I know I am no longer the boy who fills you with irrational glee.
Everything is horrible you have said it yourself
You really just want to put this whole thing to bed.
You now see me for what I really am.
Manipulative and deadly a plague on this land.
I am getting so tired and I know you are too
I have no more tricks to get you to stay
I will stay in my place and watch you walk away
And I will wish you well and hope that you're happy
And I will remember the time when you loved me
When I would hold you close and make you feel good
And everything seemed like the romance out a fairy-tale book.